The House of Eragon
by ThePurpleRose
Summary: Some of the Eragon characters are living in a house together! Durza's being childishly annoying, Morzan's gone parental, Selena's been watching supernanny and Eragon's obsessed with waffles! It's pure madness! R & R please!Third genre: GeneralDrama
1. Of Waffles and Rude Awakenings

**Disclaimer: I don't own Eragon, it belongs to Christopher Paolini.**

Brom sighed; he was absolutely starving but Selena was taking forever to make those waffles and they smelt so good. The worst part was that no-one else was awake to distract him from the food except Morzan but he had gone to Tescos to buy cigarettes to burn in front of Murtagh and Eragon.

_Aha! _Brom thought. _I'll 'accidentally' wake up Eragon. That boy always has questions to ask._

So he ran up the stairs as fast as possible for a man of his age, making as much noise possible. Grabbing the clean clothes Selena had left outside the door for her sons, who were forced to share a room; he banged the door as he entered.

_Now how to get Eragon up in a very inconspicuous way?_

He dropped the clothes over Eragon's feet. The rider didn't even stir. Brom coughed. Nope, no joy. He whacked the lamp off the bedside table, watching with an evil grin plastered to his face as the heavy lamp rebounded off the ex-farm boy's skull. Still no joy. Brom gave an exasperated sigh.

Meanwhile, Durza had woken and now stood behind Selena. All was silent apart from the gentle sizzle of the cooking waffles.

"Are they ready yet?" Durza asked.

Selena smiled. "No, not yet, Durza."

"Oh… Are they ready now?"

"No."

"Are they ready now?"

"No"

"Are they nearly ready now?"

"Durza!"

Durza's bottom lip trembled. "But I asked if they were _nearly_ ready?"

"You've a while to wait yet Durza."

"…Oh…" A cunning plot formed in Durza's mind. "Selena, Eragon and Arya are doing it upstairs and Murtagh's swearing at Brom!"

"I will go and check." Selena replied, understanding about Durza's super-human hearing. "Now, you must not touch those waffles, OK?"

"Yes Selena." Durza answered in a sickly sweet voice.

He waited until Selena's footfalls had faded, then took a burning hot waffle, devouring it slowly until…

"DURZA!" Selena snapped. "THAT'S IT, YOUNG MAN. GO TO THE NAUGHTY CORNER!"

"Awwwwwww." Durza said, watching his feet all the way over to the corner of the kitchen that had been dubbed the 'naughty corner'.

Brom had even tried yelling and pouring water over Eragon but neither he nor Murtagh had woken. He was about to give up when…

Sniff.

He gave Eragon a funny look.

Sniff… Sniff…. The Boy suddenly shot out of bed yelling: "WAFFLES! I SMELL WAFFLES! Yay!"

He charged past Brom, surprisingly not falling down the stairs with the speed he had travelled down them. Brom shared a puzzled look with Murtagh, who had woken with Eragon's yelling.

Murtagh climbed out bed then shrugged. "I think the waffles are ready." He stated.

"Uh, yeah…" Brom confirmed. "Let's get our share before Galbatorix eats them all."

**A/N: a bit short but the next one will be longer – and funnier. Promise.**

**Review please!**


	2. Of Evilness, Laughter and Naughty Corner

**A/N: I really don't know what happened to my ruler tool there! Just so you know, the three scenes were supposed to be separated by that dotty line-y thing but yeah… The dragons are in this one!!! **

**Until my ruler tool is fixed, Chuub will be my divider!**

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At the sound of the door slamming shut, all at the table fell silent. Morzan entered the room empty handed, confusing Murtagh terribly.

The red rider gulped, forgetting the waffle he had just stuffed in his mouth. He choked and Selena, busy interrogating Morzan about his trip to Tescos, failed to notice. Brom patted the suffocating rider on the back, drawing the attention of Eragon, who went into total hysterics.

As Eragon rolled off his chair with surprising grace, Murtagh swallowed, taking in a great big gulp of air with a sigh. Oh yes, breathing was good. And he would savour every single breath from now on – or until he got distracted or just plain forgot.

In fact, he was so wrapped up in his breathing that he hadn't realised that he was getting a rather strange look fro Arya, Brom and Morzan.

Morzan cleared his throat before shouting: "Selena! Murtagh's overdosed!"

Selena's muffled reply was, "I'm sure he hasn't."

"Okay then…"Morzan said.

Arya groaned, kicking Eragon under the table until he cottoned on and ran into the lounge babbling. "Thanyouforthewafflesmumtheywerereallytastyasalways!"

Then she followed, grabbing Brom by the collar and dragging him away from the danger Murtagh could sense was coming. Galbatorix was thoroughly involved in scoffing all the food within his arm span away.

Morzan eyed Murtagh critically. "Now son, I've bought all of Tescos supply of cigarettes. They will arrive at three and you will combat your non-existent addiction to them by watching them burn to ashes!"

Murtagh argued. "But then I'll be breathing in the fumes and that's just as bad!"

"Now you listen to me young man! Drugs are very bad for you and you must never ever take them. Don't smoke or drink to much because you _will_ get a liver problem and _die_. You'll rot your lungs if you….."

_Thorn! Help me! _Murtagh called to his dragon._ Dad's lecturing me again. I'm soon going to go Emo again and shoot my foot with an arrow, undoing all of this insane group of people's work!_

_Sorry mini one, I've got problems of my own right now. _Thorn sent back

Murtagh mentally rolled his eyes. _Some dragon you are! Need I remind you that if I die, so do you._

_Not if I get murdered first, mini one._ Thorn mentally stuck his tongue out at his rider.

_Why do you call me that?_

_What? Mini one?_

_Yes! Why? Explain._

_Well, Saphira calls Eragon little one so why can't I call you mini one?_

_Because it's annoying and very degrading!_

_Oh boo hoo! Get used to it Mini Emo one._

_Thorn! _Murtagh called, annoyed

There was no reply.

_Thorn!_ Still no reply from the red dragon. _I really hate you now._

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Outside, in the back garden, Selena was shooing Thorn out of the house with a broom.

"Shoo!" She cried, whacking Thorn over the head with the end of the broom. She felt a sense of smug satisfaction as the great red beast lowered his head in a gesture of submission.

"Now," Selena commanded pleasantly, "Off you go to naughty corner the third. Stay away from talking to Saphira in naughty corner the second. Think about leaving dragon poo in the hallway and I expect a full apology when I return, alright?"

The dragon nodded glumly.

"I can't hear you."

Thorn replied dejectedly. _Yes, Selena_

Selena turned away, back into the house to continue lecture Elva about not cleaning up her own puddles of vomit, over the phone.

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Galbatorix watched in amusement as Brom taught Eragon the utmost important thing about being a rider: giving your enemies Evils.

Eragon squinted. "Like this?"

"More moodiness, Less squinting." The ex-rider instructed

Eragon gave the TV such an Evil bout of Evils that the picture shook, although that was actually because Arya was climbing the aerial after he had dared her to – but still, they were pretty good Evils.

Galbatorix chuckled – evilly of course – and stated. "Brom, Brom, Brom. WE all know that the most important skill a rider can have is the intimidating evil laugh."

Eragon grinned evilly. "Like this: MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Precisely." Galbatorix agreed. Eragon sat down with a sigh.

Brom gave Galbatorix Evils. "It's Evils."

"Evil laugh"

"Evils"

"Evil Laugh"

"EVILS"

"EVIL LAUGH"

"EVILS! EVILS! EVILS! EVILS! EVILS!" This continued all through Galbatorix's speech.

"LA LA LALA LA" Galbatorix sang, out of tune, with his fingers in his ears. "I'M NOT LISTENING!"

At that point, Arya came in with twigs and leaves sticking out of her hair. She sat down beside Eragon, who pulled a large bag of popcorn out of his pocket.

"What are you watching?" Arya asked him, stuffing a handful of popcorn in his mouth.

Eragon answered. "Brom and Galbatorix; they're better than Eastenders!"

Arya was already transfixed. "They sure are. Oi! Don't hog the popcorn!"

"I'm not!" Eragon protested. "Here, grab a handful. You've got your own anyway."

Arya shook her head. "Galbatorix ate it."

And over the din of Galbatorix and Brom's argument, Morzan's mega lecture and Selena's Phone conversation, no-one could hear Durza in the kitchen naughty corner pleading:

"Selena, I'm sorry I ate a waffle. Can I get out of the naughty corner now? Please! Selena? Morzan? Anybody? Please?"

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**So, tell me if you liked it or not. Next chapter : the car journey, Morzan'****s smokes and Supernanny! Thanks to all my wonderful reviewers! You rock my non-existent toe socks! Murtagh isn't quite sane, but he's probably one of the sanest there. Well, he'll be truly insane by the time this story finishes. MUAHAHA! God I love being Evil**

**Anyway please read and review:-p**


	3. Of McDonalds, Dares and Naughty Wheels

**A/N: Thanks to all who've reviewed. The Chuub thing shall replace the dotty line-y thing again 'cause it still doesn't work!!!! Don't worry; I will murder it for being so annoying!**

_**Disclaimer: If I owned it, I wouldn't be writing on **_**fan**_**fiction!**_

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"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I DON'T WANNA!" Eragon's voice practically shattered Arya's ear drums, but he didn't care, that thing was pure evil and he wanted nothing to do with it.

Selena gave an exasperated sigh before trying once again to coax her youngest son into their people carrier. All she wanted was to go shopping in town on a nice, peaceful family outing but no, her child was having none of it and neither was Arya. She made a mental note to watch more Supernanny when she got home.

"Eragon." She said calmly. "If you don't come in the car, you won't get a McDonalds on the way home."

"Do McDonalds do waffles?" The boy asked, finally ceasing to scream at the top of his lungs.

Selena smiled. "They do Big Macs."

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!" Eragon hooted, leaping in the car beside Murtagh.

_One down,_ Selena thought,_ one to go._

"Arya," Selena bargained, "McDonalds do salad, fruit and veggie burgers."

Arya shrugged and settled in the car beside Eragon, shoving him into the middle seat. Finally, Selena could get in the passenger seat so that Morzan could drive.

Morzan was still lecturing Murtagh, whose eye was now twitching. "…drugs…_die_…cigarettes…_kill_ you…"

Eragon broke through Murtagh's emo eye twitch with laughter. "HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! YOUR EYE IS TWITCHY!!!!!"

Arya elbowed him, whispering fiercely. "Have you got any more popcorn?"

"No." Eragon whispered back. "But it's okay 'cause we're going to McDonalds!"

"Okay." Arya continued to whisper.

Then Eragon whispered, looking puzzled: "Why are we whispering?"

Arya shrugged before replying at a normal volume, "I dunno. You started it."

"No, I didn't! You started it!"

Murtagh, having been freed from his emoness by Eragon's laughter, jumped in. "Yep, Arya started it."

The three in the middle seats fell silent, realising that either the rest of the car had gone quiet or they'd gone deaf. Murtagh looked into the front, spying that Morzan's lecture had indeed stopped, while Eragon looked into the back to find Durza sitting between Galbatorix and Brom, who were giving each other Evils and miming threats. While all this was going on, Arya studied her nails.

There was five minutes silence before Durza piped up. "Are we nearly there yet?"

Selena answered. "Nearly."

"…Oh…"

Eragon started to hum to the beat Murtagh was making by tapping his fingers. There was a pause.

"Are we there yet?"

"No Durza."

"…Oh………………How about now?"

"No."

"Now?"

"No."

"Now?"

"NO!"

"Now?"

"NO!!"

"Now?"

"YES!"

"YAY!" Durza cried.

Eragon sniffed.

Morzan got out of the car to pay for a parking ticket.

Eragon sniffed twice.

Morzan returned with the ticket.

Eragon sniffed three times. "I SMELL WAFFLES!"

"- and you can count." Brom added.

"- AND I CAN COUNT!" Eragon finished.

Selena laughed. "Yes, we're outside McDonalds, now you've each got a fiver to spend on food. I'm going shopping so be good for Morzan of face the naughty wheel."

"Ten out of ten for inventiveness…" Morzan muttered under his breath.

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Saphira and Thorn flew around the garden smoking a cigarette each.

_Do you think Morzan will notice? _Thorn asked Saphira.

Saphira replied. _Nah. He won't miss two cigarettes._

_I dare you to take another one from the pile!_

_No way! But I triple dare you so there!_

_Well I infinity dare you!_

_I infinity + 1 dare you!_

_I infinity + 2 dare you!_

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All was silent on the car journey back to the house.

Well, _almost_ silent. Galbatorix was burping, Brom was laughing, Durza was asking: "Are we there yet?" and Eragon and Murtagh were daring each other to hit Arya on the head with the travel map they had found under Morzan's seat.

Murtagh dared Eragon. "I infinity + 1 dare you"

"Well I infinity + 2 dare you."

"I + 3 dare you."

"I + 4 you."

"+ 5"

"+ 6"

Morzan yelled above the din. "Right, if you don't all shut up, I'll turn this car around and we'll all go home."

"Morzan!" Selena said, appalled. "Supernanny says not to shout."

"Dad," Murtagh explained, "we're already going home!"

"Yeah!" Eragon agreed.

The rest of the journey was made with extra noise.

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_+ 6781_ Thorn dared Saphira.

_+ 6782_

_+ 6783_

Morzan raised his eyebrows as he noticed the dragons' argument, whilst ushering everyone into the garden to witness the grand cigarette bonfire.

Selena stated, "Like rider, like dragon." Through the surgical mask over her nose and mouth to make sure no-one breathed in the fumes.

The group stayed just long enough to watch Morzan laughing evilly as the cigarettes burned into a pile of ash.

"Now that's an Evil laugh!" Galbatorix said to Brom, who just nodded as the inheritance group moved back indoors to watch Supernanny as a unit.

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**A/N:**** I've decided that the Supernanny bit will be next chapter – but I will try to update soon so it won't be a long wait. Spottedstar106 was right. Durza is the Evil "Are we there yet?" child – well, Shade.**

**Please review:-p**


	4. Of Supernanny and Cigarettes

**A/N****: I am back!!!!! To Pens or Buttons: OMG! I LOVE YOU! Thanks very much for telling me about the line. But I have now become addicted to my invented word Chuub. I mean it totally rocks the world's supply of toe socks. It really does. **

**Supernanny coming up…**

_**Disclaimer**__**: I don't own Eragon or Supernanny, but I would love to so I could be rich and have money!**_

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Brom backed away slowly.

Well, actually he ran out the room at top speed screaming: "AAAAAARRGH! MY EYES! MY WONDERFUL AMAZING EYES THAT I USE TO SEE STUFF!"

That was until he ran straight into Murtagh, who said in true random super villain style. "You are trapped. There is no escape."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Brom cried, running to the other door; the only other way to escape the lounge.

But he ran into Eragon, who gave and Evil cackle and explained. "You will never escape." Then he added in an undertone. "Unless you feed me waffles."

But Brom had no waffles, and even if he did carry waffles around for safe keeping, Galbatorix would have eaten them anyway. Actually, come to think of it, he hadn't seen Galbatorix or Arya since they tricked him into entering the cursed lounge.

"GET HIM!" Galbatorix commanded before he and Arya let out a savage war cry and pounced on him, Galbatorix tying together his hands behind his back whilst Arya tied his feet together.

Brom protested. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! LET ME GO! THE PAIN! THE HORROR! THE HIDEOUS METHOD OF TORTURE!"

From the sofa, Selena said calmly, "Brom, Supernanny hasn't even started yet."

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Morzan was still cackling Evilly as he tried to burn the ash that was once Tescos entire supply of cigarettes. After realising that Murtagh and Eragon weren't even within viewing range, he gave up, vowing to resume that task later. He had bigger cigars to fry.

Racing into the house, he picked up the phone and dialled the number he'd found on the internet.

_Ring, Ring._

_Ring, Ring._

"Hello… Is this Morrison's?...Yeah…. Good….I'd like to buy your entire supply of cigarettes please….. No, I am not joking…. Yes, I will hold…. I am the 'gentleman' who is buying all the world's cigarettes, not the 'insane freak'…. Okay, so what time shall I expect them to arrive?... Three, good… Thank-you. Bye." Morzan smiled to himself. "What nice people."

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"Mum?" Eragon questioned as Supernanny finished. Brom laid shaking on the floor, Murtagh was staring at the screen with a vacant expression and Galbatorix was busy swallowing the last of his plastic watch while Selena's attention was on Eragon.

"Yes, Sweetie?" Selena replied happily.

Eragon gulped before asking: "Will you make us do chores like that lady did for that Durza-alike?"

"No, Honey."

There was silence as Arya untied Brom, who then ran away screeching. "I'M FREE! I'M FREE! WOO HOO!"

"Mum?" Eragon enquired.

"Yes, Angel?"

"Can Me and Arya go upstairs and watch a DVD?"

Selena smiled a very tearful but happy smile. "You most certainly can."

"Yay!" Arya and Eragon whooped as they ran upstairs, almost crashing into Morzan, who was trying to enter the lounge at the same time.

"I always dreamed of the day that they'd take an interest in the educational DVDs!" Selena said, weeping, to her husband.

"I have some good news, Murtagh." Morzan stated, proudly, awakening Murtagh from his TV induced trance.

"What?" Murtagh replied glumly.

Morzan beamed. "I've ordered all of Morrison's cigarettes to burn in front of you. With my help you will beat your non-existent addiction to them!"

Murtagh visibly paled, running through the room, muttering: "I think I'm gonna throw up…"

Thorn's mental laughter could be heard in the minds of all those nearby. _You've really outdone yourself now, mini one._

_Thorn, I'm gonna kill you…just as soon as I'm done losing my McDonalds._

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Durza was sleeping peacefully; his finely tuned senses were accustomed to the usual sounds of the night, so they no longer bothered him enough to affect his dream-like state of sleep. But there was one thing that night that did.

Beep! Beep! "OI! INSANE RICH FREAK! I GOT YA CIGGIES IN ME TRUCK SO 'URRY UP 'N' 'ELP ME UNLOAD 'EM!"

Durza leaped so high that he landed on his bum on the floor. Upstairs, he could hear thumps, which confirmed that Eragon and Arya had indeed stayed up late playing truth and dare and watching educational DVDs in Arya's room.

Then he heard Morzan's sleepy voice call, "I'm coming, I'm coming!" accompanied by his footsteps going down the stairs.

He looked to the clock on his bedside table.

It was three O'clock in the morning.

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**A/N: I'm sorry, the dragons were hardly in this one! I will try to bring them back. Next chapter is the consequences of the educational DVDs, and Eragon gets upset. Non- existent toe sock rockiness for anyone who can guess why…**

**Thank to all my wonderful reviewers and Chuub to you all!**

**:-p Review please!**


	5. Of Bets and Bacon Breakfast Day

**A/N: Yay! I managed to update soon-er than usual! This is just a random idea that came to me in French. You just gotta love that Chuub-ishness.**

_**Disclaimer: I don't, never have, and probably never will (sniff) own Eragon, or Supernanny. But I did eat waffles a while back and I had a McDonalds last Saturday (and it tasted good).**_

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For once, there was no noise in the mad house; no dragon snores, no human snores, no sniffing, yelling, screaming, crying, banging, hitting, whacking, or in fact any other noise to distract Selena from frying the eggs and bacon.

Oh yes, today was bacon breakfast Wednesday. The day when no- one complains about there jobs because they're used to it. The day when the whole family would eat together _before_ ten O'clock, so that they were actually eating breakfast, not brunch, which was just as tasty but not quite breakfast-y enough for Selena.

Flipping the food on to each person's plate set at their own, unique seat at the table, she beamed, pleased with her handiwork. She then picked up two frying pans and positioned herself at the bottom of the stairs.

Clanging them together, she yelled at the top of her voice. "BREAKFAST! COME ON! GET UP IT'S BREAKFAST TIME!"

Still smiling, she raced outside to beat Thorn off the roof for the first time of the day and banish him to naughty corner the third.

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Whacking Arya with his shoe, Eragon sat up on her bed. He was really more tired than hungry after he and Arya had stayed up all night watching educational DVDs and testing each other on what they'd learnt from the DVDs they watched.

He sniffed.

This was breakfast time, yet there was something wrong, and it wasn't Arya giving him Evils for hitting her with his shoe.

He sniffed again.

Then he realised.

It wasn't what was there that was wrong. It was what wasn't there! He couldn't smell WAFFLES!

So using the process of engaging his brain (It hurt a lot), he found that either he'd lost his sense of smell or there were no waffles for breakfast! He hoped for the former.

"Arya?" He asked, tense from the fear. "Can… Can you smell waffles?"

Arya replied. "No, why?"

"OH MY POPCORNY WAFFLE PIE! My worst nightmare has come true!"

"What? The one where the world runs out of waffles?"

"NO! That's my worstest nightmare." Eragon said hitting her over the head with his shoe. "Say it with me: Wor-stest. Worstest."

"Eragon, back to your worst nightmare."

"Oh yeah, that's the one where there's no waffles for breakfast."

"No waffles for breakfast?"

"NO WAFFLES FOR BREAKFAST!" Eragon exclaimed, running downstairs to the kitchen at top speed with Arya hot on his heels.

"Good Morning dear." Selena bade Eragon as he stared, gobsmacked, at the bacon and egg on his plated.

"Mum," he said calmly, "there are no waffles here."

"I know, honey. Today's bacon breakfast day."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Eragon howled. "That's it! I'm dying. I'm dead. It's all over. Promise you'll remember me the next time you eat waffles and remember the horrid mush that took my life." He collapsed on the floor, brushing his forehead with the back of his hand and whimpering.

"Really Eragon," Selena tutted, "this happens every Wednesday. And as Wednesday comes around every week, so will Bacon breakfast day."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (gasp gasp) OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-"

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Murtagh and Brom stood in the doorway watching Eragon scream at the top of his lungs. "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

It was four O'clock in the afternoon.

Suddenly, Murtagh had a really evil idea. "Hey Brom, I bet you one rind of bacon next Wednesday, that Eragon will stop in time to watch Supernanny."

"Done." The older rider confirmed.

There was a gasp from behind them. "YOUNG MAN!" Morzan yelled.

"- Supernanny says not to yell!" Selena cut in from outside.

Morzan continued to yell, completely ignoring his wife's input. "GAMBLING IS ILLEGAL! YOU WILL LOSE YOUR MONEY, IF YOU GAMBLE, AND _DIE!"_

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**A/N: I'm Sorry It's so short but I'm being kicked off the computer and I wanted to update so enjoy….**

**Consequences of the DVDs next chapter.**

**Please review :-p**

**Thanks to all my brilliant reviewers!**

**Watch this space… CHUUB!...**


	6. Of Barney and Scheming

**A/N: So here it is, the chapter I very much doubt you've all been waiting for but I've gone and started it now so just enjoy…**

_**Disclaimer: I'm too lazy to engage my brain so just look at last chapter's one.**_

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Murtagh grinned insanely as Brom gave him extreme Evils no matter that he was actually completely immune to that bout of Evils. The current silence had sentenced Brom to a bacon breakfast day with one less rind of delicious, crispy bacon.

As Eragon and Arya came out of the kitchen with moments to spare before Supernanny, they too grinned in an incredibly evil way. And it was this act of randomly evil grinning that made Galbatorix suspicious.

"What?" He accused in a most inconspicuously suspicious way possible to him: i.e. totally suspicious sounding, seeing as Galbatorix was not the sharpest tool in the box, or even in a feather storage centre.

"We learnt some very useful stuff last night, on those DVDs." Arya stated.

Brom too was conspicuously suspicious (Like ol' Galby). "Like what?"

Eragon, cleared his throat before the terrible two began to sing, horrifically out of tune, at the top of their voices. " I LOVE YOU, YOU LOVE ME-"

By this point, Brom laid on the floor, twitching madly, Galbatorix was trying to eat his shoes while screaming in a muffled way, "LA LALA LALALA. I'M NOT LISTENING!" ,and Murtagh was Fighting not to shoot himself in the foot with the arrow he was trying to will into existence and crying like a baby.

But the torture had not yet finished: "WE'RE A HAPPY FAMILY!"

At that point, a happily tearful Selena entered the room and put a stop to it. "Oh, what a lovely song, Sweeties. But Supernanny's on now so I will have to ask you to be quiet until afterwards."

The Barney singers seated themselves on the floor in front of the TV in silence. The other tortured souls breathed sighs of relief, before Murtagh squished in between Eragon and Arya, Galbatorix pushed his feet back into the chewed and wet shoes, and Brom ran from the room yelling. "I ESCAPED THE HORROR! WOO HOO! NO MORE SUPERNANNY OR PUPLE DFINOSAURS SONG AGAIN! YAY!"

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Morzan beamed up at the large blue dragon. "Perfect!" He praised. "Tell Oromis: Is next Thursday okay with you lot?"

_Okay, back in a tick, father of little one and mini one, and husband of Superparent._

Morzan raised one eyebrow, muttering to himself as Saphira flew away. "Why are Dragons so nickname obsessed?"

He sat down on the grass, frowning on the outside, thinking so hard his brain was overheating on the inside. Thorn landed beside him after he'd been there about half an hour.

_What are you doing, thingy?_

_Thinking._

_About what?_

_I dunno, I forgot._

Saphira landed the other side of Morzan. _Oromis said: Thursday's fine._

_Good. _Morzan thought, laughing like an evil maniac. _The whole universe will celebrate the fact that my sons have successfully beaten there non-existent addiction to cigarettes! MUAHAHAHAHA!_

ChuubChuubChuubChuubChuub.

**A/N: Again, I'm sorry about the shortness of this chapter. There's a thunderstorm coming our way so I'm going to have to leave it like this.**

**Tell me your views on this chapter.**

**Please review :-p**

**Thanks to my reviewers, and chuub to you all!**

**Cheese rules!**


	7. Of Singing, Parties and Dares

**AN: I'm sorry! I haven't updated recently and I could say that was because I was eaten by a giant orange or something, but then I'd be lying. Actually I was out with my friends, then we had another bloomin' thunderstorm yesterday:**

**Me: I'm going on the internet.**

**Roy: Remember what happened last time you did that in a storm?**

**Me: But it's only a little dark.**

**Thunder: Boom!**

**Me: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Evil thunder must DIE!**

**Thunder: (Gulp) Boom!**

**Anyway, here's the party chapter, hope you like it… I shall make it a lot longer than the last one!**

_**Disclaimer: I will not own Eragon until I finish kidnapping CP, same with Supernanny and Barney from the last chapter (Though I don't actually want to own Barney unless I get £999,999,999,999,999,999 to own it – and then I'd sell it to some idiot who loves **__**Barney)**_

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Breakfast time had arrived quickly for Morzan, what with his party plans and everything. The party was today, and no-one, not even Selena – knew about it. Not that anyone actually cared what he'd been doing; they were all busy doing other, more interesting stuff.

Right at that moment in time, Galbatorix was eating all food items that weren't on someone else's plate, Brom was talking to Murtagh with his mouth full, while Selena stood staring at him with her hands on her hips and the red rider was repulsed by the sight of food going around in Brom's mouth. Durza was picking his nose while Selena's attention was on Brom's bad habits, Arya was humming the tune of Barney under her breath and Eragon was singing to his waffles to that same torturing song.

"I LOVE YOU. YOU LOVE ME. I JUST ATE YOUR FAMILY!" He sang.

Saphira started a song of her own to that same tune, allowing Eragon to join in. _I love meat. You love meat, an' you're a vegetarian._

But because none of them knew the whole tune, they sang that one section of tune again and again. Eragon mentally sang, while munching on his waffles. _I eat meat, I love meat, I gave that up long ago._

Arya was next: _Eat waffles! I like them! But I'm vegetarian._

Despite himself, Murtagh found himself joining in. _Brom is old Dad's crazy, I do not like cigarettes._

Brom's jaw dropped, spilling food over the table cloth. "M-Murtagh! I thought you were on our side: The side of the Barney haters!"

Murtagh thought fast: "I was rebelling against the words of the barney song by making up my own."

Brom sniffed. "I'm so proud of you!"

From the sudden silence after Brom's outburst, a little voice piped up. "Selena?" Durza said timidly, "I have a nose bleed."

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It was nine O'clock in the evening at the mad house, and the party was well underway. Morzan was entertaining himself by explain how he'd beaten Murtagh's non-existent addiction to cigarettes in full to Oromis, who was asleep on the sofa.

Selena was ushering Glaedr into Garden naughty corner the first, after the two male dragons had pooped on the roof. Thorn was now trying to buy his way out of Naughty corner the second by singing the ABC song at the top of his mental voice.

… _Now I know my ABC's, won't you come and sing with me!_

"You will stay where you are for the next half an hour, then you may have _one_ barrel of ale with Saphira." Selena relented.

"MUM!" Murtagh called. "WOULDN'T IT BE THE ULTIMATE TEST OF MY UN-ADDICTION TO LEAVE ME ALONE?"

Selena went inside to meet her son and husband, "Yes it would, dear."

"But what if-" Morzan began to protest.

Selena cut him off. "Supernanny says It's good to give them a little freedom now and then. Let's stay in hotel for the night and let Murtagh prove to you that he's over his – sigh – addiction."

Of course, she knew that Murtagh had never been addicted to cigarettes, but she needed a bit of a break from the constant mothering she had to do.

"Oh, all right." Morzan gave in.

_Yes!_ Selena thought.

_Yes! _Thorn and Glaedr thought.

"Yes!" Murtagh said out loud as the car containing his parents whizzed out of view. "Suckers!"

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By midnight, all had consumed a little too much ale. Oromis had left, taking Glaedr with him, and Durza had fallen asleep under the table. So when a drunken Islanzadí had suggested that everyone play dares with her little dares cards, no-one had objected. So now, Roran, Katrina, Islanzadí, Vanir, Trianna, Murtagh, Galbatorix, Brom, Eragon, Arya and Orik sat in a circle on the lounge floor.

Galbatorix was fist to pick a card from he pile. "Oh that's easy peasy lemon squeezy!" He slurred. "I've got to act like a cow!" He got onto his hands and knees and cried. "Moo! Moo! Moo! Brom I dare you because you think that Evils are more important than the Evil laugh."

Everyone else laughed until Brom picked a card from the pile. "I have to dye my hair pink." He shrugged. "Oh well, I could be worse. It could have been purple like that b dinosaur. Arya, I dare you 'cause you sang that b song earlier."

While Brom went to dye his hair pink, Arya picked up the next card. "I have to sit on the lap of the nearest person of the opposite gender until the next time someone picks me." She groaned; she was sitting in between Eragon and Katrina, and as far as she knew, Katrina was female too. She settled on Eragon's lap with a sigh. "Roran, I'm daring you because you're Eragon's cousin and you scare me."

"Awwww!" Roran protested as he grabbed a random card from the deck. "lick the hand of the person on your right." He grabbed Murtagh's hand and licked it.

"Ewwwwwwwww!" Murtagh stated.

_So sweet; you've found a friend mini one! _Thorn teased before sing to the Barney tune: _You have friends, but I have more. People like me more than you._

_Shut up Thorn, don't make me come over there and stab you in the tail with a pitchfork! _Murtagh threatened.

"Right, I dare Eragon 'cause he left me like a lonerism!" Roran decided.

Eragon lent around Arya to grab a card, but Arya's black hair prevented him from reading it. "Arya, get your hair out of my face so I can read this."

Brom wolf whistled as he entered the room with his new pink hairstyle. "Ooh! Eragon and Arya sitting in a tree!"

"Shut up Brom!" Arya warned as she pulled her hair out of Eragon's face.

"I have to kiss the nearest person of the opposite gender." Eragon said with a gulp.

"That's Murtagh." Arya retorted. "He's a girl."

"So you're _not_ a girl?" Murtagh questioned. "You're closer to him than me, and besides, I'm male so there!" He stuck his tongue out at her.

She returned the gesture.

"Yep, Arya it's you." Eragon said.

Arya nodded. "Well get on with it then!"

Eragon leaned in to kiss her but was stopped by Galbatorix. "Wait! Let me use my ultra powerful magic to get us all popcorn."

"Ooh! Get lots extra for me!" Arya ordered.

"Okay. Popcornus appearus nowus or esleus!"

Roran laughed as the popcorn appeared. "Those were your magic words!"

"Well have you got any better ones hammer boy?"

Silence. "No."

"Right then. "Galbatorix said, turning to Arya and Eragon. "Continue."

Eragon pressed his lips to Arya's, oblivious to the crunching noises as the others munched popcorn or the coughing as Murtagh choked on his. Arya mentally gasped. _Mmm! His lips taste of popcorn, waffles and ale._

While Eragon thought. _Mmm! Her lips taste of popcorn, waffles and ale. Man, I want some waffles! This is the next best thing though, I should really get up and cook more popcorn waffles. I shall call them POFFLES! God, I'm clever!_

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**A/N: Will Brom's hair return to normal? Will Eragon make his Poffles? Does Glaedr like eating chicken? I don't know, I'm just the author. **

**Anyway, next chapter is the morning after: Murtagh has a hangover, Thorn and Saphira annoy Selena and Morzan tackles another addiction (Well, tries to).**

**Thanks to all reviewers :-p**

**Please review!**


	8. Of Hangovers, Plotting and Poffles

**AN: Right, I'm back, I'm random, and I'm eating cheese right now! Yeah! Anyway, yes, I do live in England and use pounds as money – and yes I have got my eye on that evil rain cloud passing over right now. Seriously though, I thought it was supposed to be summer.**

**Me: (Glares at evil rain cloud) If you go all thunder-y on me, I can guarantee you a long and painful death!**

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Supernanny, Eragon (awwwwwww!) or Barney (Phew) but I do own Chuub, my air banjo and the piece of cheese I'm eating (Yay!).**_

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"We're home!" Selena called down the hallway from the front door.

Morzan just grinned evilly; he had a new problem to tackle and boy, was it going to be fun!

"Hi Mum!" Eragon's voice replied from the general direction of the dining room.

"Morning Selena!" Arya's voice came from the same direction.

Selena followed it into the kitchen, while Morzan went upstairs to make a very important (and evil) phone call. She got the shock of her life when she entered the kitchen to find everyone sitting peacefully at the table waiting for their food.

Well, Brom was wearing a hat and giving Galbatorix extreme Evils for sniggering at him, and Durza was bugging Arya.

"Are they done yet? Are they done yet? Are they done yet? Are they done yet? Are they done yet? Are they done yet? Are they done yet? Are they done yet? Are they done yet? Are they done yet? Are they done yet? Are they done yet? Are they done yet? Are they done yet? Are they done yet?"

But the elf was ignoring him by humming the Barney theme tune to herself. Murtagh, was giving both Durza and Arya Evils. "Do you have to be so _loud_?" He hissed, holding his head in his hands.

Arya and Durza answered in unison, "Yes." And proceeded to talk and hum louder than before, making poor Murtagh wince.

"What are you all waiting for? And where's Eragon?" Selena enquired.

All eyes turned to Brom, who sighed. "Eragon's making us breakfast in the kitchen."

"And none of you thought to check he hasn't set the kitchen on fire?!"

Arya spoke this time. "The door's open so we'd smell it and see it if it was."

As if on cue, Eragon burst into the room, carrying eight plates balanced on his arms. He dumps one plate of a funny substance that looked like a waffle with exploded holes in it, at every place, then settled in a seat beside Arya.

"Come on Mum." Eragon says, gesturing to two empty chairs. "I made enough for you and Dad too."

Selena sat down; staring at the thing she assumed was food on her plate. "Your father is busy making a very important phone call."

"They're called poffles." Eragon explained animatedly, when he noticed how Selena was eying his masterpiece of food preparation dubiously. "They're a mixture of popcorn and waffles."

Arya stopped shovelling the poffles into her mouth to add. "And they taste gooooooood!"

After observing that on-on was choking or gagging on their poffles, Selena took a bite and found that actually, they were quite tasty. Even Durza was quiet for once.

"Right," She said confidently, "Eragon will cook breakfast every Friday from now on, okay?"

Surprisingly, there were no objections.

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Murtagh lay on sofa groaning and generally trying to gain a little sympathy from the other housemates about his hangover. Arya and Eragon were really not sympathetic at all, Brom was more interested in giving yelling at Galbatorix in the garden while the king was rolling on the floor in hysterics about Brom's hair, and Thorn teased the red rider and laughed at him, which he found to be really unhelpful and annoying.

Murtagh groaned for the fiftieth time. Eragon and Arya stopped trying to catch popcorn in their mouths to sigh at him.

Eragon was first to speak. "Murtagh, it's only a hangover!"

"Actually, It's a mega hangover. No wait, scrap that. It's a mega, ultra, super hangover from a place worse than hell." Murtagh moaned.

Arya smiled a sickly sweet smile. "Do you want me to get you a glass of water, Murtagh?"

_Finally,_ Murtagh sent to Thorn,_ a little sympathy!_

_Yeah, sure. Course it is Mini one. _Thorn replied.

To Arya, Murtagh said, "That would be lovely Arya."

Arya smiled as she left the room, allowing Eragon to scoff three massive handfuls of popcorn before her return.

"Here's your water Murtagh." Arya stated as she poured it over the eldest brother's head.

Murtagh glared and stood up, dripping over the carpet.

Eragon laughed. "Well, you shouldn't moan so much then, should you?"

With that, Murtagh left the room with Eragon and Arya's laughter, and Thorn and Saphira's mental laughter ringing in his ears.

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Selena screamed with joy. "OH MY APPLE PIE!"

Morzan beamed. "So, are you going?"

"Am I going? Of course I'm going!" Selena grabbed his shoulders and shook them. "I'M GOING TO MEET SUPERNANNY!"

"I'll tell Islanzadí and Nasuada yes then." Morzan said.

"Supernanny, Morzan! I'm going to see Supernanny!" Selena shrieked, throwing a load of her clothes in a suitcase.

Morzan grinned evilly. As much as he liked making his wife happy, he had to send her away for a weekend; it was all part of his plan.

The anti-addiction plan.

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**AN: ****I'm sorry it's a bit short. Thorn and Saphira annoying Selena didn't fit in here so it'll have to wait a couple of chapters now. But yeah…**

**What did you think? See if you can guess what addiction Morzan is trying to combat. If you get it right, you'll get a cookie!**

**Please review!**

**Thanks to all my reviewers! You people rock so much you completely outclass the toe socks – as lovely as my non-existent toe socks are. I didn't realise I use bad fragments but I've tried not to use any really dodgy ones. Thanks for pointing that out.**

**Ha! The rain cloud has gone! Yay!**

**Oh, Sadie and Natalie: Happy Cheeseday! Chuub to you both! And thanks for putting up with reading all of my dodgy-ish worded Doctor Who fics, some of which I may post when I get the time between updating my current two.**

**Chuub rules!**


	9. Of Camping Expeditions and Dragonnanny

**AN: ****Yay, I'm finally updating! I scared away the rain cloud and now I can't even be outside doing stuff 'cause I'm ill! Anyway… Here's the next chapter! Enjoy it.**

_**Disclaimer: I have CP locked in my non-existent garage but until I can force him to sign it over to me, I don't own Eragon.**_

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Murtagh whistled happily as he watched Morzan drive Selena out to the train station to meet Nasuada and Islanzadí. The mega, ultra, super hangover from a place worse than hell had gone on a vacation until the next party and he was a happy, happy, happy dragon rider. He even saw Brom and Galbatorix rolling on the floor punching each other and laughed rather than thinking 'I live in a mad house'.

Brom yelled with his fist connecting to Galbatorix' mouth. "Let's see how you laugh at my hair now you don't have any teeth, shoe-eater!"

Galbatorix pulled Brom's hair. "Oh yeah? Well how would you like not having any hair left to be pink…pinky?"

"Maybe if I knock your eyes out of your head you'll be able to think of a decent insult, Baldy!"

Murtagh laughed: Oh yes, nothing was going to dampen his mood today. He was still in a good mood when he met Eragon and Arya in the hall, each carrying a camping rucksack full of camping equipment and clothes.

"Where are you off to?" He asked them.

Eragon replied. "We're going away until Mum comes back. You can come if you want to."

"Why would I want to come?" Murtagh questioned.

Arya answered him this time. "Because Morzan has another anti-addiction plan." Murtagh shuddered; okay so there was one thing that would dampen his mood, but not if he kept out of his father's way.

Eragon added to Arya's reply. "And he cooks rubbish waffles."

Murtagh rolled his eyes; he had known that waffles, or poffles, would have something to do with this. The boy was obsessed with them. "No Eragon, I'm staying right here. It's going to rain later."

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Selena was having the time of her life, and they hadn't even left the airport yet. She was relishing having peace and quiet. There were no arguments, no tantrums, no yelling, no choking, no threatening and best of all, no Durza. There was no-one on the entire train saying 'Are we there yet?' or 'Are we done yet?' or 'Is it ready yet?'. Oh, life was sweet on this plane. The train had been nice but the plane was even better.

The air hostess' voice came through on the speakers. "And the in-flight entertainment today is the best of Supernanny."

Selena smiled to herself. She said to Islanzadí. "This is heaven."

"This is going to be fun." Islanzadí agreed. "Don't you think, Nasuada?"

"Oh yes, It's a break from Trianna and her bloomin' lace, and the nitwits of the Varden who seem to need constant mothering!" Nasuada stated.

Selena grinned. "It's a holiday away from the kids. I don't have to watch my language now."

"I'm escaping the annoyance of ruling a race for a while." Islanzadí stated.

Selena stared out of the window. "I wonder what they're doing now."

"Why bother wondering?" Nasuada replied.

"Yeah, you're right. This is my holiday. They can manage for a couple of days without me."

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"Is she back yet? Is she back yet? Is she back yet? Is she back yet? Is she back yet? Is she back yet? Is she back yet? Is she back yet? Is she back yet? Is she back yet? Is she back yet? Is she back yet? Is she back yet?" Durza asked Thorn and Saphira.

Saphira said privately to Thorn. _What do we do?_

_I don't know! _Thorn answered.

_How the heck does Selena cope?_

_I wish I could fry him to a crisp._

_And squish him like a little worm!_

Thorn had an idea. _What would Selena do?_

The dragons shared a look of realisation, then Saphira projected to Durza. _Durza, go to the kitchen naughty corner NOW!_

"Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!" Durza moaned as he went back inside with his head hung in shame.

_Hey, _Thorn projected to Saphira. _You're good at this. We could have our own show._

Saphira laughed mentally. _Yeah, we could call it 'Dragonnanny'!_

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"Murtagh Morzansson!" Morzan commanded with his hands on his hips. "Today, you will conquer your addiction to…"

"Alcohol?" Murtagh supplied glumly.

"No! Why would it be? You don't drink."

Murtagh laughed out loud. His father had not noticed that he'd had the mega, ultra, super hangover from a place worse than hell yesterday at all! He breathed a sigh of relief.

"The addiction you are going to beat today is your addiction to waffles! So I've ordered all of Sainsbury's supply of waffles to burn in front of your nose."

_Phew!_ Thought Murtagh. _Thank goodness Eragon's gone camping with Arya. And thank goodness he's not trying to stop me drinking!_

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Eragon and Arya were completely and utterly lost. They had packed a map of France, which as useful as it had been when they'd gone to France, was no use in jolly old England, in the middle of nowhere.

"Are you sure there's no map in there entitled 'the guide to the middle of nowhere'?" Eragon enquired.

"Nope. There's a bag of popcorn though. Shall we eat it now or later?" Arya replied.

"Later, right now we've got to find someone who'll lend us a map."

"You could just call Saphira."

"I already have. She laughed at me and said: 'Well that's your own fault little one.'" Eragon began to amble very slowly forwards. "Come on Arya, let's look for people."

"Eragon, look!" Arya exclaimed, pointing to a nearby plume of smoke.

"It's smoke."

"And where there's smoke-"

"-There's fire!"

"And where there's fire, there's usually-"

"People!" Eragon pointed to the smoke. "We're going that-a-way!"

They began to walk briskly in the direction of the smoke. Eragon sniffed. Arya blinked.

Eragon sniffed again. "Do you smell that?"

"I don't smell anything." Arya answered after inhaling a deep breath of air.

Eragon sniffed a third time. "I smell WAFFLES!"

With that he began to sprint towards the plume of smoke. Arya ran after him.

"Oi! Eragon! Wait up!"

As they neared the source, Eragon stopped dead.

It was their garden.

Morzan was making Murtagh, Brom and Galbatorix watch one of his bonfires.

He was burning waffles.

Eragon sank to his knees and let out a cry of anguish, for the waffles were too burned to save. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

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**AN: Selena shall return next chapter! Sorry, Nat and Sadie! I couldn't update last night 'cause of the thunderstorm. But I'm not gonna kill this one 'cause it was all flashy and interesting to watch.**

**Will Eragon survive losing the love of his life? Will Murtagh succeed in hiding his secret stash of alcohol? Is Orik a secret poof? Do I even know yet?**

**Thanks to all my reviewers. You people rock my non-existent toe socks! And if I had some properly existent ones, you'd rock them too!**

**Oh, and Natalie, your stupid thing that you did (if that makes any sense 'cause there are a lot of them (No offence, you still rock my socks and shoes)) is in the next chapter so keep your eyes peeled (not literally)!**

**Chuub to you all!**

**Please review :-p**


	10. Of Burning and Decisions

**AN: I'm sorry I haven't updated recently; we've had really bad weather in the UK, and here's me thinking it's supposed to be summer! Anyway, my random comment in my last AN made me want to put Orik in the house, so here it is: the chapter that took me forever to think about writing in between thunderstorms…**

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Eragon or Supernanny…yet.**_

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"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Eragon screamed, collapsing by the side of the burning waffles. He continued screaming incredibly loudly.

Morzan smiled. "Murtagh, you're learning your lesson well. I was expecting tears and sulking but you're taking it like a man."

Murtagh raised his eyebrows. "Uh Dad, Eragon's screaming."

"MY WAFFLES! WHAT DID WE DO TO DESERVE THIS? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Eragon sobbed.

Morzan clapped his eldest son on the shoulder. "Woman trouble." He explained, leaving Murtagh standing dumbstruck by the fire as went into the house to call Selena and tell her not to hurry back.

Brom and Galbatorix sat down on the grass with a bag of chips each because Eragon and Arya had taken all of the popcorn on their expedition. Murtagh remained standing dumbstruck because of the stupidity he had just witnessed. Arya just comforted Eragon, paralysed by fear that Morzan may tackle Murtagh's non-existent addiction to popcorn next. The way she saw it, nothing was safe whilst that man was in this house with Murtagh; the waffles was proof of that.

"WHY? WHY THE WAFFLES? I DON'T WANNA LIVE ANY MORE!" Eragon sobbed, shaking off Arya so he could throw himself on the flames. Arya screamed his name but she was far too late to stop him.

Murtagh barely had a moment to think before the flames flared up and he too was engulfed in the waffle-y inferno. Brom allowed half chewed chips to fall from his mouth as his jaw dropped. Galbatorix stuffed his whole packet of chips in his mouth, paper and all, before proceeding to polish off the fork as well.

Two figures emerged from the flames crying out with anguish: Murtagh dragging Eragon by the back of his burning shirt. He collapsed a couple of meters away from the flames. Saphira and thorn rushed over.

Thorn's mental voice was panicky. _Saphira, what do we do? What do we do? I don't know what we should do! What do we do? I'll check the dragon handbook. Where's the handbook? What do we do? I know, we'll ask Supernanny. SAVE THEM SUPERNANNY!_ Unsurprisingly, nothing happened.

_Forget it; this is a time for DRAGONNANNY! _Saphira announced.

_So what do we do? What do we do? What do we-_

Saphira cut him off. _I dunno. Let's breathe fire on them!_

Both dragons closed their eyes and drew in a deep breath, summoning the flames to their throats.

At the same time, Arya came to her senses and, still screaming, poured a conveniently placed bucket of water over the two burning boys, who lay unconsciously sprawled on the grass.

_See, I told you it was a time for Dragonnanny. _Saphira stated smugly as she and Thorn opened their eyes to find that the fire on their riders had been put out.

_I should never have doubted you._

_I know._

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Murtagh heaven an exasperated sigh; Selena was due back any minute and Eragon had locked himself in his room not long after healing himself, with Arya. The pair had raced up the stairs with enough supplies to last any normal pair of living people a month, then refused o come out of the room. Murtagh and Morzan had tried everything to persuade the boy to unlock the door but it was just not going to happen in the foreseeable future.

"Now Eragon," Morzan said critically, "I don't mind you having a little privacy with your woman, but you've been in there a good twenty-four hours, and all you have in there is popcorn. If you don't have the proper _protection_ then you will get diseased, and _die_. And it won't be pleasant, just like drugs. If you do drugs, you will go insane and get ill, and it will _kill_ you!"

_Oh lord!_ Murtagh said to Thorn. _If I have to go through of another one of these lectures, I will go emo, shoot myself in the foot with an arrow, most likely get tetanus and _die _a very painful death._

Thorn laughed, hysterically. _You sound so much like him._

To thorn, Murtagh yelled. _AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!_

To Morzan, Murtagh said in a tone so calm and controlled, he scared himself: "Dad, I think you should let me try. You know, a Brother to Brother, Man to Man thing."

Morzan shrugged and started off down the stairs, grinning inanely.

Murtagh banged against the door. "Eragon, let me in right now, or so help me I'll bash through this door and wring your scrawny throat so you'll never be able to taste your beloved waffles and poffles ever again!"

The door opened just enough for Murtagh to see Eragon's eye. "Are you alone?" The blue rider whispered.

Murtagh nodded. "Yep. Now are you gonna let me in or to I have to force my way in?"

"I'm gonna let you in but you wouldn't be able to break a cobweb down, let alone a door." Eragon replied, pulling Murtagh into the room before locking the door again. "Right, I want to thank you for saving my life."

"I should think so too!"

"Oi! Let me finish, will you? I realise now that I never wanted to die; there are still other places containing waffles that I can move to. A life without waffles is not worth living."

Murtagh nodded. Arya threw a shoe at his head. He ducked then glared at her. "What was that for?"

The elf answered. "I wanted to get your attention. We're gonna leave this room when Selena gets back. We've been doing some serious thinking-"

Murtagh scoffed. "Think? You'd need to get a functioning brain first!"

"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that! Now, we have something very important to tell you." Arya explained.

Murtagh grinned evilly. "I'm listening."

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Selena gasped with pure horror as she walked through the front door of the house; there was a spec of dust on the welcome mat. Yep, she'd got a lot of work to do after her absence. It would be worth it though; she'd met Supernanny! The real, live Supernanny!

She ventured into the garden and shrugged, sighing disapprovingly at what she saw. Brom was staring with a very shocked expression at a pile of ash with half chewed chips falling from his open mouth, and Galbatorix was laying in the pile of ash with no shoes or socks on, because he'd obviously eaten them, and was munching no the ash.

_Oh well. _She thought. _I'll deal with it later._

She met Murtagh, with an evil, ear-to-ear grin plastered to his face. He ushered her into the lounge, where Eragon was collapsed on the sofa, and Arya was chewing popcorn on the floor.

"A lot's happened while you've been away." Murtagh informed her.

Eragon spoke next. "Me and Arya have something to tell you too."

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**AN: MUAHAHA! You'll have to wait until next chapter to find out what the thing Eragon and Arya have to say is. See if you can guess what it is. Supreme toe sock rockiness for anyone who does.**

**Thanks to all my fantastic reviewers. Chuub to you all.**

**Nat, your stupid thing is in next chapter, as is Orik's poof-ishness.**

**Please review :-p**


	11. Of Dreaming, Ceilings and Shoe Cupboards

**AN: Sorry it's taken me so long to update, but I'm here now and so is the next chapter! Orik is in this chapter. So enjoy…**

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Eragon or Supernanny or the emergency services. Christopher Paolini owns Eragon, Supernanny most probably owns herself 'cause I don't think she's a slave, but yeah… And some random person owns the emergency services – that person may be the prime minister/ The president/ the Queen – I don't know and don't really care… or do i?**_

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Brom cautiously nudged the unconscious form of Selena with his foot. The woman groaned but didn't wake. She had fallen to the ground in a dead faint when Eragon and Arya had revealed their grand plan. Brom glanced over to the window where Galbatorix stood munching on the curtains.

Morzan was on the phone to the emergency services, in the corner by the TV. "Uh, yeah… I think so… Oh yeah, there's the small matter of my youngest son and his lady friend… Yeah, you'd better!... What do you mean 'what happened'? They left and my wife keeled over… Okay, that's better… Oh and if you do waffles there can you give them to me, only my eldest son has an addiction to them so I want to burn them right under his nose. It'll only be a small fire, I promise… Thank-you. I do live in a mad house… yeah, I'll see you in a mo… Bye."

"I can't believe they moved out together!" Galbatorix stated through a mouthful of curtain pole.

Durza shrugged. "Are they dead yet? Are they dead yet? Are they dead yet? Are they de-"

Galbatorix grabbed the lamp and after stuffing the lampshade in his mouth, whacked Durza on the head with it. The shade was knocked out mid-sentence.

Brom heaved a sigh of relief. "Good on 'em! They have gone to a better place."

Murtagh scoffed. "They'll be back in a week. You'll see, they'll get lost and run out of popcorn then come running back."

"I wonder if there's actually a place called waffleville?" Galbatorix mused, drooling as he imagined a whole village made of waffles. In waffleville, he would be able to eat anything and everything without hurting his mouth or losing some teeth. Now _that_ was an appealing thought: no more evil dentists who thought hey could rival him for evilness. Oh yes, the first thing he would do when he returned to his throne would be to eradicate all dentists. After all, they totally deserved it.

Galbatorix was jolted from his daydreaming of slaughtering dentists by a knock on the door. He opened his eyes to see Murtagh going to answer the door and returning with that half-pint of a dwarf, Orik.

That wasn't the worst thing. Orik, the hardened stone warrior, heir to the King of Dwarves, was wearing a pink glittery cat suit. The bearded dwarf was wearing a pink glittery cat suit with '911' on the back in pink fluff.

"You've got the number wrong." Brom pointed out.

Murtagh laughed. "We're in England not America!"

The dwarf just shrugged and emptied the contents of a bottle of water he pulled from his pink furry belt over Selena's head. She sat up coughing. Orik turned to pour another bottle of water over Durza but was rugby tackled by Murtagh and piled on by everyone else all yelling. "Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! DON'T DOOOOOOOOOOO ITTTTTTTT!"

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Eragon stared at his companion in disbelief. Arya waved a hand in front of his face but the ex-farm boy didn't even blink.

"Eragon." She said softly. "Do you need me to say it again?"

Eragon lunged forward, pressing his hand over her mouth. "No! Say it again and I'll eat all the popcorn!" He threatened.

Arya threw a shoe at Eragon's head. "Eragon! It's a _good_ thing! It's better than eastenders!"

Eragon folded his arms, pouting. "I don't want to know! All I want is some waffles, a warm home with no Morzan, and some good company – that's you by the way."

"Thank-you, I'm glad to be of service."

"But only until I find someone better."

"Oh really?" Arya raised one eyebrow and launched herself at him, tickling the life out of him.

Eragon squealed, laughing manically while pleading. "No! Stop! Ha! Ha! Pleas! Ha! I take it back! Ha! Ha! I love you really! "

Arya shrugged, continuing her tickle torture.

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Durza grinned as a ginger unicorn pranced by. The grass was ginger. The trees were ginger. The rabbits were ginger. The sky was ginger. He was in ginger heaven!

He stopped a ginger leprechaun by the side of the ginger road and asked. "Am I dead yet? Am I dead yet? Am I dead yet?"

"Nay laddie. Yer still alive. Yer dreamin'"

"…oh…" Durza nodded. "Am I awake yet? Am I awake yet? Am I awake yet? Am I awake yet? Am I awake yet? Am I awake yet? Am I awake yet? Am I awake yet? Am I awake yet? Am I awake yet?"

The leprechaun held its head in shame then whacked Durza on the head with its pot of gold. Suddenly, Durza woke up to find himself staring up at the strangest thing he had ever seen in his life.

The scary strange thing was the ceiling.

Durza shrieked, running from the room and straight into something soft and squishy. He looked down. The squishy thing was a bearded dwarf in a pink cat suit. Durza screeched then locked himself in the shoe cupboard where he curled into the foetal position, oblivious to the fact that the other door to the cupboard was still open.

Gazing into the shoe cupboard, Selena sighed. This was going to be a long day.

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**AN: Sorry it's so short, I've been very busy.**

**What did Arya say to shock Eragon? Will they ever reach waffleville? Will Durza get over his fear of Orik and the ceiling? Does Galbatorix get indigestion from eating all that inedible stuff? Read the next chapter and see.**

**Thanks to all my reviewers, you rock my chuubishness!**

**Please review :-p**


	12. Of Missing Objects, Phone Calls and Indi

**AN: This chapter is actually called 'Of Missing Objects, Phone Calls and Indigestion' but that title wouldn't fit on the chapter naming thingy. Sorry I take forever to update! I'm writing eight stories at the moment, but only three on this site. But anyway, Sadie bullied me into updating**

**Sadie: When are you gonna update the Eragon one? It's been forever!**

**Me: Well I have been busy with the GoT you wanted to be in.**

**Sadie: You need to update it soon!**

**Me: (shrugs) I will… after I've done the cliff chapter on the GoT one.**

**Sadie: (Sighs)**

**Anyway, I'm going on holiday for twelve days on Sunday and it's Fran's birthday in between now and then, so I probably won't update again until I get back! Yay! Holiday!**

**Oh, and I'm sorry if I've offended any ginger, Irish, British police or American police in the last chapter! I was only insulting Orik's poofishness and Durza's childishness. Who knows, he may actually dream of Gingerness like himself although he's not – his hair is actually red but yeah…**

_**Disclaimer: Yeah, I don't own Eragon. I could have a sex change and call myself Christopher Paolini and I still wouldn't own Eragon.**_

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"Has anyone seen my mascara?" Orik asked, prancing down the stairs in a pair of pink cut-offs and tank top.

As he raced down the stairs, knocking Orik over at the bottom, Brom fumed. "Alright, who has my shoe?"

Murtagh came into the kitchen form the lounge, enquiring. "Where's Zar'roc?"

"Why has my shoe gone?" Brom interrogated Morzan and Durza, who were sat at the kitchen table.

"What did I do to deserve losing my mascara?" Orik cried, looking up at the ceiling.

"How did Zar'roc go missing right from under my nose? OH MY GOD! ERAGON!" Murtagh ran from the room, his eyes wide with realisation.

"When did this happen?" Selena asked, pointing to the pile of garbage, poking out from behind the door in a very conspicuous way.

Morzan whistled and edged behind Murtagh into the lounge. Durza shrugged. "Do you know who did it yet? Do you know who did it yet? Do you know who did it yet? Do you know who did it yet? Do you know who did it yet?"

Brom growled, launching himself at the annoying Shade sitting at the table taunting him. The pair landed on the floor with a thump, where Brom proceeded to beat him with his only shoe until the shade lost consciousness. Orik laughed but Brom sent him an extremely evil bout of Evils and the dwarf screamed a very girly scream before falling to the floor in a dead faint.

Sighing, Brom left Selena trying to clean up the humongous pile of garbage to find Murtagh. It took him a grand total of two seconds to find the red rider, who was in the hallway with a face like thunder as he dialled a number into the phone.

_Ring, Ring._

_Ring, ring._

_Ring, ring._

"This number is in use, so is currently unavailable. Please leave a message after the tone. _Bleep._"

Murtagh growled, slamming down the handset. Brom sat beside him. The red rider muttered to Brom. "Stupid Eragon, with friends."

He picked up the phone again, this time pressing the redial button.

_Ring, ring._

_Ring, ring._

_Ring, ring._

"This number is in use, so is currently unavailable. Please leave a message after the tone. _Bleep._"

"Hi Eragon, It's Murtagh. When did _you_ get _friends_? Anyway, when you get this, call back straight away, yeah? Bye!" Strangely, Murtagh managed to keep his annoyance completely under control in the message he left.

He put the handset down and began to tap his fingers on the table. Brom blinked.

Murtagh sighed. Brom hummed.

Murtagh coughed. Brom sighed.

Murtagh blinked. Brom joined Murtagh in his finger tapping.

Murtagh joined Brom in his humming. Brom sang.

"CELEBRATE GOOOOOOOD TIMES."

Murtagh joined in and both began to clap. "COME ON! Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. YAHOOOOO!"

Brom continued. "Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do."

"YAHOOOOOOO!"

"CELEBRATE GOOOOOOOD TIMES! COME ON!"

"YAHOOOOOOOOO!"

At that point, Selena came in with two bin bags full of garbage. She raised one eyebrow at the duet questioningly then sniffed and tried to wipe a tear from her eye but failed due to the bags of rubbish in her hands. "Do carry on boys; that was lovely!"

But Murtagh had already picked up the phone and put it on loudspeaker. This time the dial tone had changed to a funny strangled beeping noise. Murtagh grinned.

"We have a message! I bet it's from Eragon!" He cried.

"You have one new message, and two saved messages. First, new message: Message received today at fourteen fifty two. _Bleep_.

"Hi Eragon, It's Murtagh. When did _you_ get _friends_? Anyway, when you get this, call back straight away, yeah? Bye!"

Murtagh growled, throwing the handset down, which missed the machine by a few centimetres and meant that Murtagh had to pick up the handset and put slam it on the machine again. Brom was rolling on the floor in total hysterics.

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Groaning, Galbatorix swung out of bed and pulled on the dressing gown he had left on the floor by his pile of uneaten objects that he wouldn't mind eating if he got hungry enough. He could hear Brom laughing hysterically downstairs plus Murtagh yelling something about Eragon not having a mobile phone and really needing one, or at least a toddler leash! Galbatorix ambled downstairs with one hand over the painful area in his chest. Oh yes, he, the King with the iron stomach, had indigestion.

He passed Murtagh ranting at the wall and Brom rolling on the floor laughing at his feet, before settling in the lounge with Selena, who was watching a repeat of Supernanny. He groaned as he shifted to a more comfortable position in his chair.

Selena raised her eyebrows. "Everything alright, dear?"

Galbatorix nodded. "Yes, it's just a little bit of-" he grimaced at the word "-Indigestion."

"Why? What have you been eating?"

"Oh, I only had a little mid-afternoon snack."

"And what was that?"

"Erm, Brom's shoe, Orik's mascara, a broken curtain rail, a-"

Murtagh skidded into the room, cutting off Galbatorix' next words. "Oh please tell me you didn't eat Zar'roc!"

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**AN: So, what did you think? I probably won't update again ****for a fortnight 'cause I'm going on holiday on Sunday!**

**Has Galbatorix eaten Zar'roc? Or will Eragon return with it? Where is Eragon? Has Arya run out of Popcorn? Will Brom kill Durza with his remaining shoe?**

**Thanks to all my reviewers! You people rock! I will try to update more often when I get back form holiday for you.**

**Please review :-p**


	13. Of Bad Moods and Raincloud Named Saphira

**AN: I am back from my holiday! Which is kinda neutral to me but good for you people 'cause you get another chapter! Sadie didn't bully me into updating this time… Not that she would Cough … Anyway, I left you with know updates for a while so ON WITH THE STORY!**

_**Disclaimer: Seriously, why do I bother with these any more? You know I don't own it, I know I don't own it and I'm pretty sure the authorities know I don't own it or I would've been sued by now, but (Sigh) I don't own Eragon. I do however own various aspects of the story, such as the plot and the randomness of the characters so HA! In your face Christopher Paolini! (Gulp, I didn't mean it!)**_

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Eragon sighed, _Arya must die! _He thought as his so-called 'Lady friend' (We all know what Morzan was hinting at with that phrasing) bullied him into packing up the tent. While he struggled violently with pulling the pegs out of the ground and folding the groundsheet, she just smiled sweetly and muttered under her breath in a paranoid way about running out of popcorn which was inevitable if they didn't soon find somewhere that was inhabited by real human beings and had a Tescos near by.

She was pulled from her paranoid mutterings by a dark shadow that passed over them, successfully blocking out most of the light so the trees around them made it look like it should be dusk.

"Eragon?" Arya questioned in a sickly sweet voice.

Eragon shuddered; that was not a good way for Arya's voice to sound. In fact, when she spoke like that, it gave him a foreboding sense of bad things about to happen, plus she sounded both terrifying and evil. But still, he forced himself to reply because he knew it was rather rude not to and, as Morzan quite frequently pointed out, he was not a little boy any more, much to his slight annoyance. "Yes?"

"It looks like rain. Put the tent up again, would you?"

Eragon whirled around to face her, eyes wide. "_You_ want _me_ to put the tent back up after I took it down _all on my own_?"

Arya grinned goofily. "Yep!"

"Well I won't do it! You want to stay dry then do you put the tent up YOURSELF!"

He gulped at a hearty chuckle in his mind. _Trouble in paradise? _Saphira's mental voice enquired.

_Saphira!_ Eragon called out to his dragon as she hovered above them. _How did you find us?_

_Little one, you are barely 200 metres from the front door!_

_Really?_

_If you don't believe me, look through the trees over there and you'll see the house. _She communicated a sense of that direction to her rider, who peered through the braches with an intense curiosity.

Eragon refused to accept what he saw; it felt like he'd been stuck walking with Arya for days! Unless… Unless they had been walking around in circles! But no, he couldn't have been that stupid… Or could he?

Still watching the front door of the house, he sent to Saphira: _How do I know that's our house and not some other house I've never been to before? Hm?_

At that point, Brom emerged from the house in hysterics, holding an empty crisp packet in his hand.

_I hate to say I told you so, little one._

_Oh shut up, Saphira; I'm spying! _Eragon grumbled.

Brom tried to toss the crisp packet in the pre-tied bin bag but he missed and the crisp packet was left on the path.

Eragon gasped. "Brom's littering! Arya quick! Get the video camera!"

For once, Arya didn't argue. She found it, turned it on, and passed it to Eragon just in time to catch Brom saying farewell to the crisp packet before toddling off indoors.

_I thought you were leaving for a place with waffles, Elf and little one?_

Arya answered. _We were, Saphira, but this is just too sweet to miss!_

_Oh, Saphira? Can you please snaffle some waffles and popcorn for the house for us? We're nearly out of them._

In her mind, Saphira sighed as she made her way back to the house.

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The atmosphere was so tense in the lounge that Orik could've cut it with a knife if he wasn't too much of a poof to even look at one without fainting. Murtagh was pointing a finger at Galbatorix accusingly. Galbatorix was groaning. And Selena was flicking through 'Supernanny: The manual for a parent' to find out what do when an individual accuses another individual of eating the sword that the other individual could actually have eaten. She searched the glossary but it wasn't there.

Ever the loyal Supernanny worshipper, Selena vowed to search all of the Supernanny volumes not belonging to her on EBay. After all, Supernanny knows everything, in Selena's mind.

Murtagh gave up on his pointing accusingly and stepped forwards, grabbing Galbatorix' shoulders. He shook them violently as her spoke. "HAVE. YOU. EATEN. ZAR'ROC? IT'S NOT THAT HARD TO UNDERSTAND! ANSWER ME!"

"Murtagh Morzansson!" Selena scolded. The situation had developed enough for her to use her Supernanny related knowledge and intuition to handle it. "That is enough! Supernanny says not to raise your voice! Go to the kitchen naughty corner!"

"NO!" Murtagh pouted. "HE WON'T TELL ME IF HE ATE MY SWORD OR NOT! SEND HIM THERE INSTEAD!"

"Murtagh! Go to the naughty corner! Galbatorix, tell me if you ate his sword!"

Galbatorix joined Murtagh in his pouting. "Why should I? He won't get answer until he's looked everywhere for it!" With that, the insane king left the room, trampling poor Orik as he did so. The dwarf shrieked and fainted at the sight of Galbatorix' smelly, sock and shoeless feet.

Murtagh scowled, plonking himself down in the kitchen naughty corner, facing a wall, which, had Murtagh been someone who liked studying walls, he might've found slightly interesting. Unfortunately, he wasn't, so it was likely to be the most boring twenty-something (**AN: Sorry Murtagh fans! I don't remember how old Murtagh is from the book. I have a feeling he's either 20 or 22. If you know, can you review and tell me if I'm right?**) minutes of his life.

Worse still, at that moment, Morzan came to sit with his back to his son and lecture him on the certainty that if he eats too much chocolate, he _will_ get hideously overweight and _die_ of a heart attack because he also dabbled in drugs to help him forget about his massive chocolate induced weight problem.

"… And if you do drugs, you're certainly going top die anyway, chocolate induced weight problem or no, because drugs are bad for you and if you do them, you _will_ get ill and _die_, just like if you drink too much alcohol. If you do that, you _will_…"

Murtagh banged his head against the wall. He sent out a desperate cry of help to Thorn but it was answered by Saphira instead.

_Oh! Hello Brother of little one, or mini emo one for short. I'm just above Eragon and Arya._

_What? I can see you out of the window!_

_I know. I will tell Eragon all that you told me._

_No! SAPHIRA! Don't! _But the blue dragon had all ready gone.

Next, Thorn responded. _Hi there Mini emo one!_

_Call me that again and I swear I'll…_

_Enough of that now! It's enough that you're contemplating shooting yourself in the foot with an arrow, I don't want to have putting another dark thought of murder, i.e. killing me, in your twisted mind. No, I want nothing to do with this scene. Nothing at all._

The red dragon faded from Murtagh's senses. He called out for him again. _Thorn! NO WAIT! COME BACK! PLEASE!_

No reply came. Murtagh was desperate for some sort of release form the torture of Morzan's lecture. Even Durza, who was still unconscious on the floor, got to escape it.

A small smile tugged at Murtagh's lips as he remembered the rusty arrow he kept in his pocket just in case Galbatorix should try to eat him, or he needed to threaten Eragon.

Still smiling, Murtagh pulled it out of his pocket. It was marginally more rusty than when he had last taken it out to fend off Eragon all those days ago, but still so sharp looking, and oh so pointy.

He raised it just above his wrist, ready to give the ultimate release from the torture of Morzan. Oh yes, there was no Eragon to pull hi m back from his depressive suicidal mood.

He let the arrow slip through his fingers a little.

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Back in the trees like that, Eragon and Arya were packing away the remainder of the tent with double quick timing after what Saphira told them.

"Hurry up Arya! We've got to save Murtagh from that awful place where he gets lectured by the Evil man: _Morzan_!" Eragon hissed, giving evils to a tree as he said Morzan's name.

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**AN: Sorry it's a little short but it made sense to end it there****. You will all have to wait to find out what happens to Murtagh. **

**Will Murtagh slit his wrists? Or will he try to shoot himself in the foot with his rusty arrow? Will Eragon get there in time to save his brother? Or will Morzan actually realise that his son is trying to commit suicide behind him? Is Durza dreaming about Ginger Heaven? Has Galbatorix eaten Zar'roc? All will be revealed next chapter.**

**Thanks to all my reviewers. Here is where I shall try to respond to last chapter's reviews. Sorry if I miss anyone out. If I do, please tell me in a review (Because my email isn't working at the moment) and I will make sure it doesn't happen again and respond in the next chapter.**

**9ud9ir190ne6ad: Thanks. You'll find out if he ate Zar'roc next chapter.**

**RavenclawHermione94: Ah, Next chapter reveals all! Except the Eragon buying waffles theory. It was a good theory though.**

**Sadie: In your own special way, you did! And ha! You never hit me with your shoe.**

**Spottedstar106: Thank-you. I'm glad people think this is funny. Yay!**

**Malia-Amour: I have the same habit! But I've never done that with mascara. I have with the wrong end of the pen though and my teeth were a nasty colour too.**

**MissMonkey91: Neither would I. My dogs leave hair everywhere and eat flies but I keep my bedroom door closed so they can't get in.**

**Q's little girl: Orik is a poof. He's most likely gender-confused. Brim and Murtagh are just kind of insane. They **_**had**_** just witnessed a dwarf faint because of being given evils by good old Brom, who was probably rather pleased with himself for making it happen and was celebrating his victory by singing. Eragon probably would've broken it or lost it if he had one, or just forgotten how to use it. You must be kinda psychic! Eragon and Arya were in the woods just by the house! And, well, if Durza pushes it too much, Brom might beat him with the shoe but you never know what the future may bring.**

**Katrina-san: Thanks, I hope the wait wasn't that bad for you. I will try to update soon.**

**Thanks to everyone who has pressed that little purple button for the story in other chapters too, but if I responded to all of them on this right now, I'd have to write 107 and it probably would take me a week!**

**Please review :-P**


	14. Of LEPRADAS and Attacks

**AN: Yay! I have 121**** (?!?!) reviews! I feel so loved! Thanks to you people who have reviewed! Right, now I've got that out of my system, on with the story! Back to the evilness of the random cliff hanger…**

_**Disclaimer:**__** To own Eragon, I would have to have a sex change and change my name to Christopher Paolini. However, I'm writing on FANfiction so can't be CP. Drat!**_

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It was so peaceful. Just him, the rocks, the herd of chestnut (orangey-coloured) horses, the fresh air – Oh, and the horde of dancing Leprechauns, who just so happened to be ginger. Yep, that's right, Durza the ginger-haired Shade was once again dreaming of being in Ginger heaven. And yes, he had not yet had his brains bashed out by the leprechauns or Brom, who was, fortunately not in this dream. If he was, it would be a nightmare.

Durza stopped giggling at the random, little ginger men and opened his mouth to speak, at which, some of the more faint-hearted leprechauns covered their ears. "Are you out of breath yet? Are you out of breath yet? Are you out of breath yet? Are you out of breath yet? Are you out of breath yet? Are you out of breath yet? Are you out of breath yet? Are you out of breath yet? Are you out of breath yet? Are you out of breath yet?"

The Leprechauns shared evil grins with each other before the Leprechaun that Durza met on his first unplanned trip to ginger heaven counted incredibly loudly to three and they all started to yell at the Shade. "ARE YER OUTTA BREATH YET? ARE YER OUTTA BREATH YET? ARE YER OUTTA BREATH YET? ARE YER OUTTA BREATH YET? ARE YER OUTTA BREATH YET? ARE YER OUTTA BREATH YET? ARE YER OUTTA BREATH YET? ARE YER OUTTA BREATH YET? ARE YER OUTTA BREATH YET?"

Durza raised his voice too; there was no way he was losing an annoying yell 'n' copy match with a horde of random short ginger guys, regardless of whether or not they just happen to have hidden a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. "ARE YOU GONNA STOP COPYING ME NOW? ARE YOU GONNA STOP COPYING ME NOW? ARE YOU GONNA STOP COPYING ME NOW? ARE YOU GONNA STOP COPYING ME NOW? ARE YOU GONNA STOP COPYING ME NOW? ARE YOU GONNA STOP COPYING ME NOW? ARE YOU GONNA STOP COPYING ME NOW?"

"NO!" The village idiot, whose name was Dermot, shouted before the leader of the Leprechaun Rebellion Against Durza the Annoying Shade (L.E.P.R.A.D.A or LEPRADA for short), the leprechaun who also counted to three and was named Connor, could silence him.

Connor and the other leprechauns continued with their devious plan against Durza, wondering why the Shade _had_ to be ginger enough to enjoy dreams in their lovely ginger heaven and also why they were all stuck with Dermot, who had actually lost his pot of gold a week ago only to find he'd been carrying it around with him. "**ARE YER GONNA STOP COPYIN' ME NOW? ARE YER GONNA STOP COPYIN' ME NOW? ARE YER GONNA STOP COPYIN' ME NOW? ARE YER GONNA STOP COPYIN' ME NOW? ARE YER GONNA STOP COPYIN' ME NOW? ARE YER GONNA STOP COPYIN' ME NOW? ARE YER GONNA STOP COPYIN' ME NOW?**"

Durza yelled even louder to match them. "**AM I HAVING A NIGHTMARE? AM I HAVING A NIGHTMARE? AM I HAVING A NIGHTMARE? AM I HAVING A NIGHTMARE? AM I HAVING A NIGHTMARE? AM I HAVING A NIGHTMARE?"**

Connor smirked. Dermot shrugged. "I don't know, laddie. Yeh better watch out for this Brom of yers."

Durza gulped, screaming a very high pitched scream that made Connor and the other brainy leprechauns of the bunch wonder whether or not Durza had been castrated or if he was indeed a little girl with an abnormally high voice. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH**HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH**_**HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH**_"

Dermot turned to Connor. "Yeh think we got ridda 'im?"

Connor nodded. "Fer the time bein'."

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"...by the Evil man: _Morzan!_" Eragon hissed, giving evils to a tree as he said Morzan's name.

Arya raised her eyebrows questioningly. "Why are you giving evils to the tree? It's not Morzan and it hasn't done anything except be a tree."

"Just HURRY UP!" Eragon hurried.

Arya sighed. "I will catch you up if you take it and go!" She gestured to an item in a Tescos' bag for life.

Eragon eyed the tree thoughtfully. "You just wanna eat all the remaining popcorn!" He accused her.

Arya blushed. "Well, yeah! But isn't saving you brother more important than the popcorn right now?"

Eragon grabbed the object Arya had pointed to and ran off in the direction of the house calling. "You'd better not eat all the popcorn or I swear I _will_ tell your mum about-"

"Okay! Okay!" Arya called after him, cutting off his sentence. Her appetite had suddenly gone. Cursing Barney's educational videos she and Eragon had rather stupidly decided to watch, she resumed her packing as Eragon reached the front door.

He burst through the door, trampling the unconscious dwarf wearing pink cut-offs and a tank top. After realising that he'd come too far down the corridor, he turned around and burst into the kitchen. He drew Zar'roc form the sheath he'd taken from his and Murtagh's bedroom before he left, and only a few moments ago from his luggage, fully prepared to run it through Morzan, who was seated at the kitchen table.

But a step away form his father, who was too deeply immersed in his lecture to even notice Eragon's presence, he stopped dead with a look of horror on his face. Murtagh was sitting facing the wall in the kitchen naughty corner.

Eragon could see a glint of orangey metal. He recognised it as the one Murtagh had used to threaten him with. It was rusty.

Murtagh was slitting his wrists.

Eragon suddenly knew what had to be done. Too shocked to bother being quiet, he yelled a warning to his brother. "MURTAGH! NO!"

He launched himself at his elder brother. "THINK OF THE TETANUS!"

Bravely, while still in the air, he hit the arrow away from Murtagh's wrist with Zar'roc. Then he was plummeting to the floor and the red sword flew from his grip.

As he hit the floor, he felt something sharp pierce his skin.

With one last cry of: " WAFFLES!" everything went black.

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Selena jumped out of the chair at the sound of her youngest son's voice. Trampling Orik, who was now covered in muddy footprints from Eragon as well as the stench of Galbatorix' feet and now also with high heel marks, she heard the mad king himself accompanied by Brom, leg it down the stairs. On her way to the kitchen door, Arya fell through the front door accompanied by a heck of a lot of camping equipment. Brom helped her up.

"Eragon!" She panted. "Has he saved Murtagh yet? Tell me!"

Brom shrugged. "See for yourself."

Remembering the crisp packet incident, the elf gave the old rider half hearted evils. "I don't talk to litterers! Save the planet!"

Selena opened the kitchen door because it had blown shut when Eragon had passed through it.

What she saw made her faint with horror.

Arya screamed as she stepped over the unconscious form of Selena. Morzan was still continuing with his lecture.

Brom took off his remaining shoe and beat Morzan with it until he had his full attention. He stood over Durza, hitting the sleeping Shade too for good measure. Maroon eyes widened as they opened and caught sight of Brom. Durza Jumped into the air, shrieking, trampled Orik in the hallway, the curled up in his shoe cupboard.

"Alright," said Morzan, "Who wants to call the ambulance this time?"

"Ooh! ME!"

"PICK ME!"

"POFFLES! Er - I mean, I WANNA!"

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**AN: So what did you think? Told you you'd find out all the answers to those random questions in this chapter! Actually, I've only half answered two of the them. You'll find those answers next chapter.**

**Is Eragon dead? What happened to Murtagh? Who got to call the ambulance? Is Arya suffering from Poffle withdrawal symptoms? Will Brom turn into Alegaesia's first shoe murderer? If so, will his first victim be Durza? Has Dermot lost his pot of gold again? What was it Arya didn't want Eragon to tell her mum?**

**Anyway, now that's over and done with, I give you, my review responses! Thanks to all my reviewers! If you are reading this story but haven't reviewed yet: please do! I need feedback! I don't block anonymous reviews 'cause I'm not that mean!**

**Selena ShadowDragon: I'm glad you like the story and think it's funny! Thanks!**

**Katrina-san: I hope it's in a good way! Lol!**

**Dragon Rider Murtagh: Oh yeah, 'cause Eragon's only sixteen! Thanks for that! I'm glad you like Murtagh; he's really gothic in the movie.**

**9ud9ir190ne6ad: You'll see next chapter if he has or not.**

**SpottedStar106: Thanks. I think I thought he was 20 something 'cause I'd just watched the Eragon movie and in that, Eragon starts off at 17 instead of 15. All will be revealed about Murtagh next chapter!**

**Malia-Armour: Yay! I'm glad you think so.**

**Dragonic vampire goddess: He's emo 'cause he had an emo kinda look in the movie so I kinda made him more emo 'cause it's funny.**

**Wolflady 13: he probably isn't but I just made him emo. Besides, who would be able to live with a guy like Morzan all their life and not be slightly depressed? I'm glad you love it!**

**RavenclawHermione94: That's okay.**

**Please review :-p**

**P.S. I will give you extreme toe-sock rockiness if you do! So press that little purple button!**


	15. Of Amblulance Trips and Bedpan Hats

**AN: Hi Everyone! It hasn't taken me that long to update this time. Yay! Anyway, in the previous chapter, you got the answer to the whole 'has Galby eaten Zar'roc' thing. Congratulations to the people who guessed that right! And I apologise I advance for this chapter, which will probably contain loads of sp****elling mistakes and typos 'cause I've just got back from a sleepover at Nat's and I'm really tired. So yeah… On with the story!**

_**Disclaimer: Don't sue me! I don't own it as I've been saying for the past fourteen (I think) chapters!**_

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Orik woke with a jolt that made him feel as though he'd been trampled buy a herd of elephants. Just the thought of all those feet crushing him made Orik want to scream. Who knows where those elephants had been? Or what they'd stepped in before him? They could have stepped in dragon poo, or worse, Galbatorix' feet! He opened his eyes to find that he was in a random van like vehicle that looked suspiciously like an ambulance.

He wondered aloud whether the elephants had actually trampled him after he'd fainted at being trodden on by the mad king's stinky feet.

Brom grinned, awaiting the girly shriek as he explained what had trampled Orik. "Well firstly, Galby's fungus feet-"

"Hey!" Galbatorix interjected. "My feet are NOT fungus feet! They are NOT that dirty! I only washed them a hundred years ago!"

Durza, who was cowering under the trolley-bed, stopped muttering in a paranoid way: "has Brom gone yet? Has Brom gone yet? Has Brom gone yet?" Instead, he grimaced. "Ewwwwww! Will you wash your feet soon? Will you wash your feet soon? Will you wash your-"

He stopped abruptly when Brom stroked his shoe menacingly and continued with his explanation of what had trampled Orik. "Anyway," He said, giving Durza Evils, at which the Shade whimpered. "Galby trampled you, then Eragon did, twice, according to Saphira. Then Selena did, ooh! And then I decided to for good measure before the ambulances go there – several times."

Brom anticipated the girly shriek with a grin but none came.

The dwarf enquired tentatively. "Where had Eragon been?"

Brom and Galbatorix shared an evil grin. Brom answered. "He'd been camping in the dirt in the forest. And he didn't take his shoes off after traipsing through mud to trample you. You are covered in muddy footprints."

This time, Brom was rewarded with a shriek high pitched enough to rival Durza's when LEPRADAS rebelled against him in Ginger heaven. Orik, after the scream, proceeded to faint.

Brom high-fived Galbatorix. "Heh Heh! SUCKER!"

"It's true though." Galbatorix replied.

"That just makes it funnier."

"You know what's not funny?"

"Many things aren't funny. I won't know what you think isn't funny until you tell me."

"Arya got to phone the ambulance." Galbatorix whined. "It was _my_ turn!"

"And she said 'poffles'! We spoke first!"

"As Eragon's tutors in Evilness, you would've thought we would've got to call the ambulance!"

"I wanted to see some _blood_ and _gore_!"

"OI! Shurrup in there! I fink ya real insane, ya are! 'Em 'ospital guys berra pay me berra 'n Morrisions! Ya gorra be insane to do this job!" The ambulance guy, who was driving, yelled.

"Hey, you're the guy who dropped off the Morrison's ciggies!" Brom exclaimed. "But don't talk to me like that or I will kill you with my shoe!"

"Ah! Ya the Insane rich freak's family!"

"No, I just live in their house. Eragon, Murtagh and Selena are his family."

"Lad, ya'll be the worl's firs' shoe murderer! Ya will!" 

"Yes." Brom whispered to Galbatorix, rubbing his hands together with glee. "And Durza will be my first victim."

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"Now, can you answer my questions with total honesty?"

"Well, she can answer your questions with honesty but that doesn't mean she will."

The police officer sighed. "Angela, what are you even doing here?"

"Why, is that not obvious? If it is not, you are a nincompoop. Lovely word that, don't you think? I've always thought so myself."

"JUST ANSWER THE QUESTION WITCH!"

"Take a chill pill – actually, don't – take a mushroom instead. Very tasty, they are, if you pick the right ones, that is." She cut short her explanation after catching sight of the policeman's expression. "I am here to help Arya, but I came after Solembum trod on a nail. Now he is a nincompoop! Rather like you dear chap, you ought to engage your brain before you frown – you don't want wrinkles or jowls. Now that's an interesting word."

Arya burst into fresh sobs as the policeman, who was a plump, short man with a very red face possibly from anger but could also have been the norm for him, asked her if she would be honest.

"Well," Angela replied in a matter-of-factly tone, "She doesn't have to answer you honestly now because you just asked if she will, you didn't ask if her to answer honestly."

"GET OUT! LEAVE THE ROOM! _PLEASE_ JUST GO AWAY!" The policeman cried pulling at his hair.

"Well, that's not very nice." Angela said, taken aback. "In fact, it's positively uncouth!"

Arya intervened, still sobbing profusely. "H-h-his l-last words…were- w-w-waffles! H-he never g-got some b-before...he diiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeed!" She buried her face in Angela's shoulder to sob some more.

"Eragon's dead!" Angela exclaimed. "I could've sworn by my dictionary of little used but still fascinating words that he was still breathing a moment ago. I saw him in ICU (**AN: Intensive Care Unit. Just for you people who don't know. I have no idea if it exists in countries other than England.**)!"

Arya looked up hopefully. "Er-Eragon's s-still alive?"

The policeman answered this one. "You will not receive an answer until you have answered me truthfully. Are Selena and Morzan bad parents?"

"S-Selena used t-to make us w-waffles and-and she gave us b-bacon b-breakfast day! M-Morzan used to l-lecture Murtagh on n-not doing d-drugs, ci-cigarettes and d-drink to much alcohol. You sh-should ask Murtagh a-and Eragon. Are the d-dead?"

"No, but they are very, very poorly."

Arya beamed then snapped. "I'M NOT FIVE YOU… YOU…YOU"

"Nincompoop?" Angela supplied helpfully.

Arya continued. "NINCOMPOOP! YOU LET ME BELIEVE ERAGON WAS DEAD!"

"So you don't care about Murtagh?"

"STUPID MURTAGH! SLITTING HIS WRISTS! IT'S ALL HIS FAULT! ALL HIS FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUULLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLTTTTT!" She screeched as Angela steered her out of the room.

When the pair were a safe distance from the room occupied by the dazed policeman, Angela said softly: "What would you have done if he had been dead?"

"Grieve of course!" Arya answered, casting Angela a suspicious glance. "What do you mean?"

"I know Arya. Selena told me. No-one else knows, don't worry."

"I would've been lost without him." Arya sniffed, wiping tears from her eyes. "No-one can make poffles the way he does!"

Angela patted the elf on the back. "I know dear. I know."

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Durza shrieked, leaping into a pile of oddly shaped bowls as he spotted Brom coming down the corridor with his shoe at hand.

"Here Durzy-wurzy! Here Durza! Come to Brom!" He whistled. "I only want to practise my shoe throwing technique on you!"

Durza gulped and, pulling one of the bowls on his head like a helmet, ran for it down the corridor. He heard Brom's shoe soaring through the air. It caught him on the head. The impact made everything go black to Durza as Brom laughed.

A nurse rounded the corner. "Goodness me! What happened to my pile of used bedpans? I'd stacked them so they would be easier to wash."

Brom spared one look for Durza, out cold on the floor in his bedpan hat, then collapsed on the floor in total hysterics.

Galbatorix walked out of the toilets. "What? What did I miss?"

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**AN: Sorry for the long wait in updates. I'm currently buried under a pile of homework. TOO MUCH WORK! It's actually taken me several days since starting to write this for me to actually post it so yeah… I'm sorry. ANGELA'S INCLUDED! She's already a really randomised character. I just had to add her!**

**What does Angela know? Is it the same thing Arya doesn't want her mum to know? Will Eragon and Murtagh survive? Will Morzan and Selena be picked up by social services? Will Durza go to ginger heaven? Will Brom finally finish him off? Does Arya anyone care about Murtagh (I know loads of people who do but I mean the characters of the story)?**

**Anyway! Thanks to all my reviewers! You people rock! Same as always, if you haven't reviewed yet, but are still reading the story, please review! I need feedback and I don't block anonymous reviews. **

**Now my review responses:**

**Man I'm like bored and stuff…: Thanks! Glad you think so! The button is a kinda blue-y purple-y colour, ****it's odd.**

**Teros: (sniffs) He should've given it to me 'cause I created him, but noooo! Good luck with the gold! Thanks for your reviews!**

**AdriaDara: Wow! Good idea! Do you mind if I use it at some point? Can you answer this as a review 'cause my email doesn't work (glares at email thing evilly)! Thanks!**

**Spottedstar106: Yay! I'm glad to have surprised you! I will try to update soon but it's getting more difficult with the massive workload I've been given!**

**Werewolf-of-Alagaesia: Thanks! I shall continue!**

**Malia-Amour: Yay! My story has affected someone's mind! Tell your sister that randomness is not the same as retardedness; randomness is fun and partially your own decision! Yay! Go Randomness!**

**Hi!!: You sent an anonymous review so I don't know who you are but hey, I will answer it anyway! Thanks! It's great to be random!**

**9ud9ir190ne6ad: I could've killed him but I need him for the next bit of the plot. I hope the wait wasn't too long for you. Thanks!**

**RavenclawHermione94: Thanks! Arya did get to call the ambulance! You'll have to wit and see what Arya didn't want her mum to know.**

**Tania: (blushes) Thanks so much!**

**Sukie-san: Thanks! The full story of what happened to Eragon will be revealed next chapter. I **_**am**_** curios as to why you think I should kill him off though. Will you explain in a review 'cause my email is still not working! (Glares at email thing for the second time this chapter)**

**Firesilk: Thanks, I will try to update regularly.**

**No Mercy Mercer: Eragon's last words were very my-version-of-Eragon-ish. I like them, I'm glad you did too!**

**M.S.Memorial: Thanks for your review. I will try to keep updating and do it more often!**

**Epi95: Thanks! I'm glad you like it, and I'm also glad that I'm not that obvious! One of my other fics, ****A Promise Once Broken**** for ****Guardians of Time****, is quite obvious. Some of it's really obvious. ****The house of GoT****, also for ****Guardians of Time****, isn't obvious. It's like this one but with different, but very randomated and unlike their author made them, characters. I'm glad this one isn't obvious!**

**Katrina-san: Thanks! I'm glad you like the chapter! Blue, Purple: Same difference! I'd say it was more of a blue-y purple-y colour though, but yeah… I'm just random like that.**

**Anyway! I meant to publish this on Monday; it didn't work out very well though. Oh well, it's up now!**

**Please review :-p **


	16. Of Abilty of Annoyance and Party Plannin

**AN: Right, I'm back and updating! I'm sorry if I don't update as often as people would like but I'm really busy. I do try to update soon but I can't get on the computer long enough to type a lot very often. If you want, I could do shorter chapters with an update time that would be a bit shorter, but if you want the chapters to be this same length then I guess I will just try to update more often. Anyway, on with story.**

_**Disclaimer: Please don't sue! I don't own it! I do own the randomness though so you can't take me to court for that!**_

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Murtagh woke from a blissful sleep, one containing no Morzan, no lectures, no fake addictions, no emoness, no arrows, no annoyances, nothing bad. But the thing he woke up to made him wish he hadn't woken up at all. He opened his mouth and yelled with all the volume he could muster. The reason: Durza was on his bed.

Durza the shade was staring at him with his big maroon eyes just inches from Murtagh's. And waking up to that was no-one's idea of fun. Murtagh certainly didn't think so.

A disgruntled looking nurse promptly ushered the shade out of the room. "Go and play with your friends. They are waiting outside. Very persistent was the one named Brom. You have a good friend there, boy."

Durza screamed. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NOT THAT! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNYYYYYYTTTTGHHHHHHINNNNGGGGGGG! ANYTHING BUT THAT!" He got down on his knees, begging.

"Oh all right!" The nurse relented, eyeing Durza distastefully. "But only if you come with me to help Nurse Peterson scrub the bedpans that some scoundrel recently knocked over."

"Thank you! THANK YOU!" Durza answered, hugging the confused nurse with all his might before kipping out of the room with her following at a walking pace.

Murtagh noticed that he was in a bed, in a white room, with tubes coming out of him. He couldn't remember why and he didn't like it one bit! It was too bright. Far too bright! And also too _clean_! He never wanted to be in a place that clean, ever again! One thing he knew for sure was that he would never marry a neat-freak. If he did, he might just be forced to kill himself. Another thing, why was alone?

There were no people in this little room. Eragon wasn't there to annoy him or make him laugh. Brom wasn't there to argue about evils giving with Galbatorix. Galbatorix wasn't there to eat everything that couldn't fend him off. Nor was Arya to eat popcorn.

He, Murtagh, the eldest rider with the red dragon, was left alone. How unfair was that? Sure he had been suicidal but what else was wrong with him – except for the whole 'slit wrists' thing? Did he smell or something? He didn't think he smelt, but he made a mental note to take a shower as soon as possible all the same.

Murtagh climbed out of the bed, all the time wondering what he was wearing and why it was so hideous. He hated hospital clothes, he really did. Noticing the drips attached to him, he realised he'd need to wheel the stand too. He ambled over to the door, letting himself out of the side room and into the main ward.

Spotting three people who looked strangely like Arya, Selena and Angela, he hid behind a plant, deciding on following them. He needed to know exactly why they weren't with him. What could be more important than being with the injured family member in hospital?

As he drew closer, this time hiding behind a large, stern looking nurse pushing a pile of bedpans on a trolley, he noticed that Selena was sobbing. Arya looked solemn but he could tell from her eyes that she had been crying recently because her eyes were still rather red and puffy. Angela just looked, well, like Angela. The witch was humming quietly to herself to a tune probably long forgotten like most of the words she uses.

With great difficulty, he followed them up the stairs, into a ward called ICU. All three faces looked up at him as he entered the side room they had ducked into. They were all seated around a bed.

Eragon.

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Allowing his foot to slide along the freshly polished floor, courtesy of his shoeless foot, Brom whizzed down the corridor. He only stopped when he crashed into something squishy at the end. He stood up, ready to apologise profusely to whichever nurse he had just bowled over but the words died in his mouth.

He was talking to Islanzadí, Katrina and Nasuada. "Erm… Sorry ladies. I …er… What are you doing here?"

"God, Brom, you're soooooo stupid!" Katrina stated.

"We came to tell Eragon and Murtagh to get well!" Nasuada said, waving a Tescos bag in the air. "And we brought popcorn and pre-cooked waffles!"

Islanzadí squealed excitedly. "And I brought my dare cards!"

Brom scowled, remembering the pink hair incident. "Why do you hate me so much?"

"You're old!" Trianna answered, randomly appearing behind him with Oromis and Vanir.

"I wasn't asking you!" Brom spat at the sorceress, giving her Evils. He'd been in the hospital for a very long time already and he wanted a nice long shower and another shoe! He cursed Galbatorix for eating his other one and forcing him to walk around with one shoe on only. His other foot was cold; it only had a sock to cover it.

"Well!" Oromis clapped his hands. "Let's find the riders and give them our gifts, eh?"

There were a few cheers and a couple of grumbles before the mob set off to storm ICU in search of the others with Brom and Oromis in the lead.

Brom only had one thought in his head as the mob reached the room Eragon was occupying to find Murtagh standing in the middle of it gaping at the room's other occupants: When Eragon woke up, he and Murtagh would be two lucky kids!

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"What?" Morzan questioned, wearing a blank expression.

The plump, short police officer, who interrogated Arya and Angela, was once again on the brink of pulling his hair out. He didn't know which was the most annoying, the woman with the constant rambling or the man with the constant lectures and selective hearing. Morzan refused to comprehend anything that didn't suit him.

The policeman was saved from replying by a knock on the door. "COME IN!" He called.

Durza the shade came in, plonking his butt down on a chair beside Morzan. "We're having a party for Murtagh and Eragon. Can Morzan leave yet?"

"No."

"Can he leave yet? Can he leave yet? Can he leave yet? Can he leave yet? Can he leave yet? Can he leave yet?"

"NO!!"

"**Can he leave yet? Can he leave yet? Can he leave yet? Can he leave yet? Can he leave yet? Can he leave yet? Can he leave yet? Can he leave yet? Can he leave yet? Can he leave yet? Can he leave yet? Can he leave yet?**"

"**NO!**"

"_**Can he leave yet? Can he leave yet? Can he leave yet? Can he leave yet? Can he leave yet? Can he leave yet? Can he leave yet? Can he leave yet? Can he leave yet? Can he leave yet? Can he leave yet? Can he leave yet?**_ _**Can he le-**_"

"FINE!" The police officer yelled.

Behind the door, Orik and Galbatorix were smirking.

Galbatorix hissed. "Durza's ability to annoy: one. Fatty police officer: Zero."

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**AN; shortish, I know but I am updating. It is an update. The story will finish in another couple of chapters' time! I will most likely do a sequel though, 'cause I have more ideas!**

**Will Durza's ability to annoy ever be useful again? Will Brom get another shoe? Does Islanzadí get to play dares? Will she find out what Arya's been keeping from her?**

**Thanks to all of my wonderful reviewers! My email is fixed now so I can get review replies and messages and stuff. I will reply to reviews after the story if finished using the review reply tool thingy! So don't feel that you can't review just 'cause the story is over, I still read reviews! It's not over just yet though!**

**If you are reading this then review please! I need feedback!**

**9ud9ir190ne6ad****: I'm not offended by people wanting to kill Durza, he's pretty annoying. I'm glad you think this is good!**

**The Horse Lord: Thanks! If you like Guardians of time then please read my other fics! I don't get a lot of reviews for that one 'cause not many people have read those books. They still rock though!**

**RavenclawHermione94: Ah, you'll just have to wait and see for some the answers but you got a couple right. You've just got to guess which ones.**

**Katrina-san: I'm glad this made you laugh! Thanks!**

**Pinkelberry: Thanks! I love your stories too. Murtagh did survive!**

**Epi95: Yep, you got the yet right. I actually feel partially sorry for him. Nah! Not really. Angela rocks! Thanks!**

**Hi!!: Randomness rules! Homework is evil! I give you sympathy for not being able to have an account, that must be annoying. Thanks!**

**AdriaDara: Thanks! I shall use your idea this story, I think. In an epilogue and possibly the sequel.**

**Werewolf-of-Alegaesia: Thanks! You have solved the review button colour debate. It's Periwinkle!**

**Sukie-san: Okay then, Thanks!**

**M.S.Memorial: Thanks! You will have to wait to see what happens. If I'm busy, I'm not going to be on the net to leave a note, I will try to update soon though.**

**Tania: Thanks! I feel so special. Anyway, I will write a sequel to this when it's finished anyway.**

**Please review :-p**


	17. Of Mobs and The Announcement

**AN:**** Okay, I am trying to update but my writer's block is back with a vengeance.**

**Jimothy the Second (My writer's block): (Randomly exists)**

**Me: Nooooooooooooooooooooooo! Why couldn't you have been sat on by Mr Williams like Natalie's block!**

**Jimothy: …**

**Me: Why do you torment me with your silence? Why couldn't I have left you in English with that essay? Noooo!**

**Anyway, on with the story. This may well be the last chapter. It might not be but I think it will be. There will be a sequel though! I shall make one!**

_**Disclaimer: Don't sue! I don't own Eragon or Barney or Supernanny! I do own the randomness!**_

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"I dare Dad because he wrecked my good looks with scarred wrists!" Murtagh declared.

He, Morzan, Selena, Angela, Arya, Brom, Galbatorix, Orik, Durza, Islanzadí, Nasuada, Trianna, Oromis, Vanir, Katrina and Roran sat in a circle at the foot of Eragon's bed in his side room in ICU. Roran had met up with Durza, Galbatorix and Morzan on their way upstairs claiming to have parked the car. Now, the group were playing with Islanzadí's dare cards.

"Hey!" Roran exclaimed. "Scars are cool! Girls like scars!"

"Only cool battle scars like the one on my back though." Murtagh argued. "Not suicide scars." He turned his attention back to Morzan. "So, I dare you to strip in A & E."

"Ewwwwwwwww!" Morzan protested. "You know, if you go off in the cold Naked, you _will_ get pneumonia and _die_!"

"I don't care, now go!" Murtagh ordered, raising his eyebrows threateningly.

There was a random murmur of "Poffles." From the bed.

"Eragon!" Arya yelled, racing over to the bed and practically crushing the poor rider in it.

"Tha' hur's!" Eragon stated.

Arya leapt off the bed. "Sorry! You all right?

"Yup!" Eragon replied grinning lopsidedly. "You?"

"Yep! Now how about some poffles?"

Selena shook her head. "No poffles until we get home." She said sternly.

As expected, the next sound in the room was: "Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!" But it wasn't Arya and Eragon who were the ones protesting – well, they were, but so were most of the other guests; Roran and Katrina's lips were locked together too tightly to actually respond vocally. Angela firmly doubted they had even been paying attention to the conversation enough to have noticed anyone had been speaking in it.

"S'unfair!" Vanir argued, with a mouthful of popcorn. "S'why we're 'ere to see Eragon, innit? 'E makes good Puffles!"

Islanzadí fainted at those words. Oromis, also both shocked and horrified at the same time, managed to find words. "Vanir! You ought to be ashamed of yourself, young elf! Get rid of that silly accent right this minute and it's 'Poffles' not 'Puffles'. Show some appreciation, boy!"

"Go and sit in hospital naughty corner number one!" Selena commanded calmly while pouring water over the elf queen's face form a little jug that previously sat on the wheelie table by Eragon's bedside.

Islanzadí gagged for a moment then grinned. "Bring on the dares and ale!"

Brom threw his shoe at her. She gave him Evils, pouncing on his leg and removing his remaining sock, which was thrown in the general direction of Galbatorix, who seized the opportunity for a snack. He jumped in the air, caught the sock in his mouth and ate it in one fluid movement.

"Mmm! Tastes of cheese, dust and curtain rail." He explained as Trianna and Nasuada edged away from him, looking terrified.

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"This is it! I've gone insane!" Nurse Peterson said to her companion, Nurse Cartwright.

"If you're insane then so am I!" Amanda Cartwright answered. "Kitty, I swear I just saw the father of the two oddly named boys who came in here earlier run through here naked!"

"Same here!" Kitty Peterson replied.

"Do we need therapy?" Amanda questioned.

Kitty shook her head. "Nah, we deal with nutters all the time. Let's just satisfy ourselves that those boys' family is one those cases. That bloke's clearly got a screw lose!"

Both women were about to go their separate ways when a horde of short, ginger men, dressed all in green and chattering in Irish accents among themselves came thundering towards them carrying with them one of the paramedics – the one Kitty knew had come to this job from Morrison's. The two nurses were swept along with them before they even had a chance to stop gaping.

"Now we will need therapy!" Amanda cried.

"LEPRADAS ter victory!" The guy at the front of the mob yelled. "We Leprechauns shall prevail over the Shade laddie!"

"Connor?" The one next to the guy at the front stated. He didn't quite seem all there. "I think I remember the place I put me pot o' gold!"

"Dermot, laddie, you gave it ter me fer safe keeping! It were never lost!" Connor, the leader, answered.

"Oh. So why's it lost?"

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Now fully clothed, Morzan raised his eyebrows as he entered the room to find Nasuada and Trianna crawling over Murtagh's lap away from Galbatorix, while Vanir sulked, facing the wall in the corner of the room.

"Galbatorix ate my sock! He ate my sock! HE ATE IT!" Brom explained, shaking Morzan's shoulders. Brom murmured. "Evil being!" Then he let out a harsh war cry, pounced on his shoe and squashed Islanzadí. "I WILL BEAT HIM UP WITH MY SHOE!"

He jumped onto the sock eater and tried to bludgeon him to death with the shoe but Galbatorix grabbed on to the end of the shoe with his teeth so it dissolved into a strange, demented version of tug-of-war. Morzan settled himself next to Trianna and Roran, the witch and the leader of the varden having used this distraction to climb over Murtagh successfully.

At that moment two things happened: The door flung open to reveal LEPRADAS, the two nurses and paramedic who piled in, standing around the edge of the circle wherever there was room, and Durza screamed, diving under the covers in the end of Eragon's bed, causing Eragon to leap out, mumbling: "Ew! Ew! EW! It's in my bed! IN MY BED!"

Connor chose that moment to introduce himself. "I'm Connor, leader o' LEPRADAS – the Leprechaun Rebellion Against Durza the Annoyin' Shade. Where's yer annoyin' shade? We just want ter banish 'im from ginger heaven."

"An' Bash his brains out so I can look fer me lost pot o' gold." Dermot added. "Me name's Dermot. Connor an' the other leprechauns say I'm the village idiot."

The other leprechauns nodded. Connor spoke. "Yer pot o' gold's not lost, laddie! I told yer, I'm lookin' after it for yer!"

There was a mighty bang as the wall fell in and a scream from Orik, who fainted because some of the dust from the wall had fallen on him and made him all dirty. Saphira, Thorn, Shruikan and Glaedr's heads came through it.

The black dragon and the gold dragon proceeded to attempt to pull apart the brawling pair, Brom and Galbatorix, turning what was a tug-of-war with a shoe between the two insanely Evil teachers of Evilness to Eragon into a four way tug-of war – a tug-of-war between two dragons tugging on the two insanely Evil teachers of Evilness to Eragon, tugging on Brom's remaining shoe. Thorn and Saphira watched, one giggling madly at Eragon's face, the other giving little 'ooh's and 'ah's at all the entertainment in front of them.

Saphira was the one giggling madly at Eragon's face. _Hee! Hee! Ha! Ha! Ha! The look on his face! It's priceless! Hee! Ha! Tee! Hee! He looks like a mouse about to be eaten! Oh the blackmail!_

Thorn was the 'ooh'er and 'ah'er. _Ooooooooooooh!... Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! …………… Ooooooooooooooooooh!…ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!_

_Shut up, Thorn! I'm trying to giggle madly at the sight of Eragon's face! You're distracting me!_

_No you're distracting _me _form my 'ooh'ing and 'ah'ing!_

_No you!_

_You!_

_You!_

Meanwhile, Islanzadí was still trying to play dares, Oromis and Morzan had joined forces to lecture Vanir on the probability that if he was rude to his elders, they would get annoyed and he _would_ die, Katrina and Roran had run away from the scene to find an appropriate broom closet, Nasuada and Trianna were cowering under Eragon's bed and Selena was reading Supernanny's book trying to find a Supernanny approved way to tackle this situation.

The LEPRADAS crew were discussing amongst themselves, the Morrison's guy was watching a DVD with his portable DVD player while Murtagh watched over his shoulder, and the two nurses were discussing going into therapy.

"Stuff the rules!" Kitty proclaimed. "I'm going to call my Auntie Doris and Uncle Boris! I don't care that it's against the rules to use a mobile phone in the hospital!"

"We need a holiday! Screw therapy! I don't want to lose my job! It gives me money! I could've been an artist! Or a protester! I was one of them once, you know."

"What? A hippie?"

"No! A protester's different, but I was a hippie too!"

"No?"

"Yes! Peace dudette!"

"QUIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEET!" came a shout from by the bed. The rabble finally shut up. All eyes were on Eragon, though Brom, Galbatorix, Glaedr and Shruikan didn't stop their tug of war, but they did stop moving.

Angela, who had been sitting quietly counting her mushrooms before Eragon's shout, didn't get the hint. "Well, quiet is not a bad word but I think that 'silence' is a rarer word you could have used to fill that gap. Unusual words are best but I can't seem to fi-"

"Angela!" he warned. "Be silent please."

"We something to tell you." Arya explained.

"Is it a juicy bit o' gossip, lassie?" Connor enquired.

"You could say that." Arya answered.

Eragon continued. "You see, we watched Barney videos not long back-"

"Ooh! I know what this is about. Unfortunately, it's not mushrooms bu-"

"Angela, please!" Eragon tried again. The witch was silent. "We learnt stuff from them – they were educational after all."

"Counting and the alphabet got boring for us, though." Arya added.

"So we dug through the draw again and came across an odd looking one."

"So we watched it."

Eragon and Arya began to look more and more guilty as Eragon spoke. "It was lots more interesting, so we tried it, and, well, we learnt stuff."

"We… erm … we…"

Eragon took over at Arya's failure to produce a sentence. "We're sorry."

"This is all Barney's fault!" Arya said bitterly.

"Blame him!" Eragon declared.

Arya's announcement caused Islanzadí to faint and the four tug-of-war participants to let go. Brom grabbed his shoe back before it hit the floor though, sticking his tongue out at Galbatorix.

Morzan yelled. "YOU WHAT! What did I tell you about-"Oromis clamped his hand over Morzan's mouth as Vanir laughed.

_Awwwwwwwwwwww!_ Gushed Saphira._ My little one is all grown up!_

_I wish mine would!_ Thorn stated, glaring at Murtagh, who gave the big red dragon Evils, at which Thorn gasped. _That hurts, mini emo one!_

"DON'T CALL ME THAT!"

_It would be nice if mine would learn some table manners. _Shruikan reported to Glaedr.

The gold dragon answered. _It would be nice I mine wasn't so old!_

Nasuada crawled out form under the bed. "Can you say that again?" She asked Arya. "I wasn't listening."

Eragon sighed. Arya raised her voice so all could hear if they hadn't all ready. "I said: I'm pregnant!"

Nasuada's eyebrows rose. "Erm… Congratulations."

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**AN: You people are lucky; I was going to leave this on a cliff hanger so you'd have to wait until I start the sequel to ****find out what Arya's announcement was, but I decided I'd be nice to you.**

**Yeah, this chapter was a bit random but it's the last one so I wanted a grand finale! I hope you like it. The story is now over but there will be a sequel to it, so watch out for it!**

**Thanks to everyone who has been reading this and a double thanks with virtual cheese to everyone who has reviewed or will review it. Remember: Just 'cause I've finished the story doesn't mean I won't read the reviews! I will read the reviews on it!**

**Teros****: I have no idea what they are, but if you explain them to me, I could use them in the sequel.**

**RavenclawHermione94: You almost got all the answers right! Thanks!**

**Werewolf-of-Alagaesia: Thanks! (sniffs) I feel so loved! I will try to write the sequel soon.**

**Immortali: Thanks! Sorry the update took forever! I will use your song in the sequel. You'll probably see it in the first chapter. Randomness rules!**

**Katrina-san: No, it wasn't. Jimothy the second saw to that. I hope you liked the randomness of this chapter. I think it's funnier than the last one.**

**Cahawk: Thanks! I'm glad you love it and now have an account!!**

**Epi95: I will do a sequel; I hope the wait wasn't too long! Thanks!**

**Sukie-san: Thanks! Glad you like it!**

**AdriaDara: I will use it, in the second chapter I think. My planning skills suck though so I could be wrong but there you go! Thanks!**

**Audrey33: Wow! Thanks! I've infected someone with my randomness! Let the randomness be spread!**

**First Girl Rider: I'm adding a sequel. That will have more chapters!**

**ERAGONFREAKIEST: Thanks! I'm glad you love my story!**

**M.S.Memorial: Randomness is a good thing! Yay! The poffles are kind of in it. I think the party will be in the first chapter of the sequel.**

**9ud9ir190ne6ad: Thanks! Durza may well do that yet.**

**Shadow Prime: (or Shadow Prime's lil bro) I might still use your idea in the sequel but right now I need Eragon alive. I think it's hilarious! Thanks!**

**Flamestar: Thanks! I'm glad you love this! I was 'almost' sympathetic to Murtagh. Key word 'almost'.**

**Eragon'sSexyWeasel: Thanks! Randomness just rules! Vanir will be in the sequel too. He was in this chapter.**


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